


Hope's Endurance

by LivingStoryWriter



Series: Types of Hope [2]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Friendship/Love, M/M, Self-Acceptance, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23293411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LivingStoryWriter/pseuds/LivingStoryWriter
Summary: Things don't always go as planned, yet hope must always continuing on.What If scenario for Hope's Struggle. Starts during chapter four of SDR2. Nagito X Reader.
Relationships: Komaeda Nagito/Original Character(s), Komaeda Nagito/Reader
Series: Types of Hope [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1675162
Comments: 19
Kudos: 97





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Hope's Struggle](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17871755) by [LivingStoryWriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LivingStoryWriter/pseuds/LivingStoryWriter). 



> In which you head towards the Final Dead Room.

Hope, which should’ve been akin to a bright light in the darkest of times, had begun to feel like a double-edged sword as of late. It’d appear and lift you up to where it seemed everything might finally be okay. You’d finally allow yourself to relax a bit and believe that you would all make it out, that you wouldn’t be forced to lose yet another one of your friends. But then everything would fall apart and leave you to come crashing back harder than ever into the reality of Monokuma’s disgusting excuse of a game. It took its toll, exhausting you with each subsequent loss. It was becoming harder and harder to pick yourself back up after each fall. And yet, you couldn’t find it in yourself to give into the thoughts of completely giving up on such a beautiful concept.

Even now, as you walked down the stairs of Strawberry House with teary eyes, hope was still present. Maybe it was all the rambling tangents you’d heard Nagito give. Maybe it was your admiration towards his, admittedly overbearing, passion towards the very core of the concept in and of itself. Whatever it was; you could still feel a bright bit of warmth lingering somewhere within all the turmoil that was raging inside of you.

Though, as comforting as that flicker of hope may have been, you were finding that it was becoming increasingly hard to breath as you neared the door to the Final Dead Room. You wanted to be brave and simply walk in as if it was nothing. You longed to be able to just stop second guessing this plan of yours and go through with it. More than anything, you wished you could stop being so selfish and grant your friends the safety and freedom they all deserved without leaving behind proof how absolutely terrified you were.

But the selfish side of you, the one that was screaming in the name of self-preservation, desperately wanted to turn around before it was too late. You still had time to rethink this plan… to give up and make your way back to Nagito’s room. How nice it would be to throw yourself into the comforting warmth of his arms and forget everything. As much as you hated the thought of it, you couldn’t deny that dying in his embrace sounded a lot more comforting than dying alone. At least then, your last moments would be with someone you loved.

No… you wouldn’t be so selfish and cruel. Freedom from the Fun House was so close for everyone. You couldn’t take that from them, even if they wouldn’t be any the wiser to it. You couldn’t handle any more guilt on conscience. As selfish as it may have been, you saw this as the least you could do to try to make up for all the confusion and arguing you’d been causing as of late.

You hadn’t meant to breakdown at Ibuki and Hiyoko’s trial like that. But the look Mikan had given you when she’d admitted to remembering everything… there was no denying she’d known your secret. No matter how you may have wished for the opposite to be true, she’d seen right through you at that moment and had looked so snide about it. All your fears of the others not understanding or accepting you for who you were had suddenly become validated. It had been too much and you’d completely crumbled in the face of that unwanted affirmation.

All the times you’d tried to help… to comfort those around you now felt like nothing compared to the guilt you felt over arising people’s suspicions in the courtroom. Kazuichi and Akane had been so angry… even Fuyuhiko and Sonia had wanted answers. The only ones who hadn’t jumped on your case had been Nagito, Hajime, Gundham, and Chiaki. And, while you still weren’t sure why Chiaki had so quickly jumped to your defense, the former three all knew your secret as well.

Nagito had known since the night you’d come out to him on the beach. And, while his words following the first trial had absolutely destroyed you, he’d been more accepting than you ever could’ve asked for. You weren’t sure how you would’ve made it this far without his support. Hajime and Gundham however… they’d found out when you’d come down with the despair disease and they had been attempting to get you to change into a hospital gown and help you calm down. You’d already been in a state of panic due to the disease but that had sent you completely over the edge. You’d screamed and begged for them to stay away, not wanting them to see your makeshift attempt at binding. But, of course, they hadn’t listened since they’d figured it was just a side effect of the despair disease. And, when they had finally gotten you into the gown, you’d sobbed about how they must be disgusted with you. You’d wailed how they’d never want to see you again now that they knew. You’d been utterly broken and they’d in no way been prepared for such a drastic turn of events.

Both Hajime and Gundham had done their best though, awkwardly trying to assure you of your fears to be unfounded. Despite you not believing them in the slightest, Hajime had stayed with you the entire day and continually reiterated that knowing your secret didn’t change the way he felt about you, nor did it for Gundham. When Hajime had headed out for the night, only willing to leave due to you being too terrified to leave the hospital bed and covers you’d expertly hidden yourself within, he’d even made sure to leave Nagito’s coat within reach of the bed for you. You supposed it was in hopes that it might be able to help bring you some comfort through the night and appreciated the thought.

Whether it for your sake or theirs though, neither Hajime or Gundham had brought up or tried to discuss the events of that day since then. Not that you were complaining about that detail. You didn’t particularly want to be faced with that discussion and, truth be told, hadn’t even confided in Nagito despite how much it was weighing on you. It wasn’t like he didn’t have his suspicions on the subject, being as observant as he was, but he also wasn’t going to push the topic unless you brought it up. And, with how insecure and embarrassed about the whole ordeal and overall topic, you weren’t going to bring it up even if you would have the chance to see him again. Thus, you found yourself in a stalemate of insecurity and self-loathing.

In the end though, thinking back on all of this only proved to make you more depressed and scared of the road that laid before you. You’d caused so much confusion and anger in the last class trial. So much discomfort and unease had arisen because of you. So, as selfish as it may have sounded, this wasn’t just your way of trying to help everyone one last time… it was also an attempt at an apology. And, though you knew that your friends might never gleam any of this from your death, that thought process was the only thing helping you to continue moving forward with this plan. You wouldn’t back down, you refused to.

* * *

**_I love you_**. Three words and just as many syllables. Not too long ago, Nagito would've said these words held little impact when stringed together and directed towards him. He understood all too well that he didn't deserve such kindness or affection from others. So, he'd probably have brushed them off any heartfelt confessions, saying that the one delivering such words was too kind and generous to project such feelings on him. Besides all of that, who could possibly want to risk getting swept up in the never-ending crapshoot that was his luck?

The answer to that question had apparently been you. And hearing those words coming from you had been so much more surreal and amazing than Nagito could have ever imagined. Such words took on new weight and meaning when falling from lips as sweet as yours. It was as if his entire world had been upturned. What used to be dirt that he’d happily have laid upon, now seemed to be an enormous mountain that he stood atop as he stared into the beautiful, endless horizon that was your hope.

This happiness wouldn't last though, not for very long at least. Nagito's luck could never allow it. It was only a matter of time. Such a warm, fuzzy euphoria was too good for someone as worthless as him. So, it shouldn’t have come as much of a surprise when it was forced to suddenly come crashing down on him with a level of fear that he’d never seen the likes of before.

Hands rushing to the sides of his head, Nagito gasped as a series of garbled images suddenly rushed through his mind. It was all so garbled and fuzzy yet painfully too clear. He’d have recognized your smile anywhere. But why was it so faint and… sad? Squeezing his eyes shut, he felt tears form as your smile seemed to fade away from the messy static filling every inch of his psyche. All that seemed to be left were flashes of an unmistakable shade of neon pink that held an unbearable coldness to them.

Nagito shivered, trying to think of an explanation to what he was seeing. The only thing he could absolutely make of it was that you seemed to be in danger. But why would that be? You’d just been here… you’d just been with him. The two of you had just been sharing the sweetest words and most blissful affections he’d ever received. It hadn’t even been five minutes since you’d left. But… did a killer even need five minutes when it came down to it?

A wave of panic suddenly overtook Nagito, quickly threatening to drown him as he did his best to stand up and hurry towards the door. He shouldn’t have let you leave alone, not when you were so weak and exhausted. Yes, everybody was in the same boat on that front but you… you were far too trusting. Always set on seeing the best in others, you were the first to jump to others’ defenses in class trials and never wanted to believe that any of your friends could do something so terrible as end another’s life. That strong sense of trust and hope was one of Nagito’s favorite things about you but, he’d be lying if he said it didn’t also terrify him at times. Just thinking back on how you were so quick to forgive him after everything he’d said to you in the aftermath of the first trial… it scared him to think that that trust might lead to your demise.

Stumbling forward, Nagito found himself caught off guard by his bedroom door suddenly swinging open. Where he’d hoped to see you standing, he saw Fuyuhiko, looking rather startled himself at Nagito’s being so close to the entryway. Eyes flicking downward, Fuyuhiko quickly took note that there was no visible signs of injury or struggle within the room before taking in how desperate and terrified Nagito appeared to be.

“_____,” Nagito gasped, raising a hand back up to his head as he moved to push past the shorter boy.

“What about her?” Fuyuhiko asked, brow furrowing upwards as his mouth turned down and into a frown.

Already short of breath, Nagito wheezed out an incomprehensible string of panicked mutters as Fuyuhiko did his best to stop him from going any further. Something was wrong, the yakuza could tell that much. Whenever Nagito had been in a frenzied state before, it had been more manic and never in a worried sense like this. The only times he’d been frenzied like this before was when he’d go into delirium fueled speeches on hope. Worry and true negativity had always seemed to come out in more understated and subdued forms. But what could have had the usually amiable boy so freaked out?

Fuyuhiko had just seen you not two minutes ago and you’d seemed… okay? You’d obviously been exhausted and had something weighing heavily on your mind. But who didn’t in this situation? And, on the off chance that the two of you had gotten in a fight, Nagito didn’t seem like the type to be panicking like this over you deciding to leave him. As weird and confusing as he was, Nagito was very forthcoming with his low self-esteem and his notion that you were too good for him. And, despite his more erratic and possessive tendencies, it wasn’t difficult to imagine him coming off as somewhat indifferent or unsurprised to a breakup.

“Kn-knife!” Nagito gasped, a metallic gleam flashing through the messy of images raging through his mind.

The mention of a weapon was al Fuyuhiko needed to have it suddenly click as to why Nagito could be so panicked. A breakup was one thing, but your being in danger was a whole different story. Eye widening, Fuyuhiko quickly turned on his heels and began booking it towards the direction you’d been heading with Nagito feverishly stumbling after him. Reaching the staircases, they were quick to head down and towards the area that was most likely to have weapons.

* * *

Standing before the Harlequin-esque door that led to the Final Dead Room, you tried your best to quiet the whimpers that were escaping you. The door suddenly felt so big in comparison to yourself. This was the final barrier. Closing your eyes, you took a shaky breath as you allowed yourself to picture Nagito’s calming smile. You refused to let anything but that be the final thing you’d see before dying.

Raising a hand, you were suddenly met with the sound of footsteps thundering down the stairs and an angry shout across the room. “What the hell do you think you think you’re doing!?”

Whipping your head around, you found yourself being tackled to the ground before you could even fully comprehend that it was Fuyuhiko who’d yelled at you. But, even with the panic that was now racing through you, the tight embrace that was now restricting your movement was unmistakable. Tears raced down your face as you weakly struggled against the warmth you wanted so desperately to melt into. Raising his face, Nagito looked at you with the most panicked and desperate gaze you’d ever seen… a gaze that left you feeling weaker and more pathetic than ever before.

Whimpers quickly turned into hiccups that morphed into full on sobs as Fuyuhiko hurried over to help Nagito with restraining you. Shouting at Kazuichi and Gundham, who’d made their way down to investigate source of the commotion you were making, Fuyuhiko instructed the two to call Grape House as he swiftly undid his tie and wrapped and knotted it tightly around your wrists.

**_RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING._ **

“The fuck is that!?” Fuyuhiko jumped as Kazuichi yelped from above.

With the loud ringing mingling with the words of confusion and worry that Nagito was now murmuring into your shoulder as he pulled you into a sitting position, you felt something within you snap. Tears still streaking down your face, you stared ahead with a broken expression as your cries and pleas died out. You didn’t have any strength left to fight and you couldn’t see the point in even trying anymore. This was game over; you’d failed before even getting a chance to try. Even within Nagito’s arms you suddenly felt unbearably cold inside and weren’t sure if you could ever warm up again.

**_CRASH!_ **


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Nagito tries to get through to you.

Nekomaru was gone. He’d just come back and now he was gone for good. It wasn’t fair. None of this sickening experience was fair in the slightest. But it wasn’t like you could do anything to change it. That much had been made clear in your failed attempt to offer up your own life for everyone else’s freedom. Not that they knew that had been your intentions. No, everyone was still in the dark to just what you had been trying to do. And all because you’d completely checked out.

Despondent was the only way anyone in Strawberry House could think of to describe you to the residents of Grape House. You hadn’t said a single word since Nagito and Fuyuhiko had stopped you from entering the Final Dead Room. Your tears had long since stopped flowing and dried, the only evidence they’d been there in the first place being how red and puffy your eyes were.

Your eyes… they were what hurt Nagito most to see amidst this whole mess. Your vacant expression and refusal to speak were one thing. But the complete emptiness in your eyes? His stomach churned as he was forced to take in such a cold, darkness where he usually saw such bright hope residing.

Sitting in a chair in the lounge, hands still bound behind your back with Fuyhiko’s tie, you kept your head down as the others, primarily Kazuichi and Fuyuhiko, pressed you for answers. Across from you, Nagito sat with his broken stare trained on you. And, as much as it hurt, he couldn’t deny that he already knew what you’d been planning… that you had gone there to end your own life.

There was no other explanation for why you’d be headed to such a place. You’d always refused his offers to help you with murdering himself and you never would have stooped to murdering anyone else. And the resignation you were displaying… it was as though you’d been utterly defeated. And what else could have possible mattered so much to you in the given circumstances?

“I bet you were there to hide evidence!” Kazuichi accused, having grown incredibly frustrated with your lack of cooperation.

“Idiot, she’d still have the evidence on her if that was the case!” Fuyuhiko scoffed.

“M-maybe she’d just put it back and was leaving!” Kazuichi fumbled.

Not even a wince. You’d withdrawn so deeply that you weren’t even reacting to the pronouns that your arguing classmates were referring to you with. Nagito couldn’t help but queasily wonder if this was what true despair looked like. It was certainly one of the most gut wrenching sights he’d ever been witness to. And he couldn't stand to see it for much longer.

Standing up and walking around the tables, Nagito ignored the bickering and demands to know what he was doing as he seated himself in the chair closest to you. Gingerly reaching forward, he lifted your chin and forced himself to lock eyes with your empty gaze. The overwhelming fear and panic he’d felt over those weird… visions… it all suddenly seemed so small compared to the heartbreak he was your empty stare was putting him through. It hurt so much to see you like this… he could only hope that it would lead to the most amazing hope you’d ever experienced.

“Why?” Nagito breathed, his throat tight as he choked his words out. “I-I offered so many times... “

Nothing… not even a flicker of acknowledgement. Normally you’d have at least explained how you could never kill somebody or have gotten upset with Nagito for having even suggested such a thing. And none of that was to even mention how incredibly hurt you'd have been that he’d offer up himself for it. It would have led to a lecture about how much you cherished and valued him... how much you _cared_ about him. And, though he knew he didn’t deserve such words, it hurt to be denied your usual reaction in that moment. Perhaps he could goad it out of you?

“You could rid the world of one as contemptible and worthless as me,” Nagito forced a chuckle, his eyes practically begging for a reaction from your own. “...Nobody would miss me anyway.”

No scolds or chides left your mouth though. The lines of annoyance and anger at his self deprecation were nowhere to be seen. Not even a single, "no," or, "stop," to contradict his lonely words. Your eyes were as empty as ever and it was growing harder to not turn away in disgust. Taking a deep breath, Nagito leaned forward and rested his forehead against yours as he gently cupped your cheek.

“It would be my luck…” Nagito exhaled, his voice barely above a whisper. “That you’d refuse to kill me but not yourself…”

Pulling back, Nagito let out a disappointed sigh as he took in your still vacant expression. Lightly stroking your cheek, he glanced away and moved to leave you to your resignation only to have his breath feel something dampen his hand. Looking up, he felt his breath catch in his throat at the sight of tears forcing their way from your eyes. Could it really be true that he was breaking through?

“What is it!?” Kazuichi snapped, startling Nagito into looking away from you. “She finally ready to admi-!?”

Grunting, Kazuichi quickly wrapped his arms around his gut as Fuyuhiko withdrew the elbow that had suddenly collided with it. Whining, the pink haired boy was suddenly ordered to shut up by the smaller blonde. Looking at Nagito, Fuyuhiko gave a small nod. “If anyone’s gonna get her to talk, it’ll be you,” he sighed as he went to untie your wrists. “We’ll try to get the elevator working.”

“How the hell am I supposed to do that without any tools!?” Kazuichi snapped.

“Would this work?” Nagito asked as he rifled through his pocket and produced a small tool.

“Hm… i-is that multi-tool!?” Kazuichi asked with wide eyes as sweat began beading on his forehead. “Where the heck did you even get something like that?”

“I’ve had it with me… before I even arrived at the fourth island,” Nagito shrugged. “If we’re going to be exploring a new island, it’s essential to bring this kind of equipment, right?”

An air of unease swept over the room as Kazuichi, Fuyuhiko, and Gundham all stared at the small collection of sharp tools in Nagito’s hand. His logic was incredibly sound and made a good point but… still. 

“A guy like you… has been walking around with a dangerous tool… this whole time…” Kazuichi muttered, bringing his palm to his forehead.

“Is something wrong?” Nagito asked.

“I-it’s nothing…” Kazuichi coughed.

“Then I’ll let you have this,” Nagito said, suddenly stopping himself as a thought occurred to him. “But in exchange… I want you to do something. This multi-tool has a compass in it. After the elevator is fixed, I want you to ride the elevator and see how the compass reacts.”

“Wh-what the hell for!?”

“Who fucking cares why!?” Fuyuhiko snapped before looking at Nagito and nodding. “We’ll do it.”

“Thank you,” Nagito forced a smile and handed over the multi tool. “I’ll leave the rest to you.”

Taking the multi-tool and pushing an annoyed Kazuichi out of the room, Fuyuhiko headed out with Gundham quickly following behind. As they reached the first floor, Gundham cleared his throat.

“While I understand your mortal logic,” Gundham said. “Is it really wise to leave such beings on their own right now?”

“Probably not…” Fuyuhiko sighed, running a hand through his hair. “But there’s not a whole hell of a lot they could really do at this point either.” 

“This whole thing is probably just an act!” Kazuichi huffed, crossing his arms as he glared up the stairs. “To cover their tracks or something!”

“Cover their tracks?” Fuyuhiko scoffed. “They can’t even get to the scene of the crime, dumbass.”

“Indeed, the path to such a grim destination is blocked,” Gundham nodded. “It may still be prudent to keep an eye on them”

Glancing at Fuyuhiko, Kazuichi forced himself to hold in his snickers. Eyes widening, Gundham pulled up his scarf and blushed at his blunder. “You wanna think about rephrasing that?” Fuyuhiko glared.

“We should- ah… stay vigilant…” the Supreme Overlord of Ice coughed.

“Whatever,” Fuyuhiko huffed, giving Kazuichi a pointed look as he handed off the multi-tool and turned towards the stairs. “I’ll head back up. Someone needs to be on standby for the phone anyway.”

* * *

Tears… as much as Nagito hated to see them coming from you, he found himself cherishing each drop that fell from your eyes as the others left the lounge. And the slight trembling of your hands as you arms hung limply at your sides. Such a sight would normally be cause for alarm but now… any sign of emotion was cause for elation.

Bringing up both hands, Nagito carefully wiped away your tears with his thumbs and looked into your shimmering eyes. They were still baron of the hopeful light he missed so much but, every so often, small sparks of sadness and fear shone through the vast void that had overtaken them. Sadness and fear he could work with, offering comfort and protection through their duration. This despondent numbness though… he was struggling to figure out how to pull you out of such despair.

It wasn’t as though he could just leave you to investigate either. Even if he wanted to leave you in such a husk like state, he wouldn’t have been able to concentrate while knowing you were like this. You investigated with him and, even if he was the more noticeably observant of you two, were always there to keep him from diminishing his findings and pickup where he fell short. Where he noticed details and facts, you were incredibly empathetic and quick to notice if somebody wasn’t acting like their normal self. Spending so much time trying to make others happy, you’d learned most everyone’s ticks and could usually tell if someone wasn’t being genuine. So, to leave you like this was not, by any means, an option.

“I know trash like me doesn’t deserve you but… when I thought I might lose you…” Nagito admitted quietly, hoping his candid honesty might break through the walls you were hiding behind. “I… I was really scared.”

Lips slightly twitching, you blinked out some more tears. “I don’t know what it was,” Nagito pushed forward as he tenderly took your hands in his. “But it was like I saw you… d-dying and… I couldn’t think or breath…”

A tiny sniffle escaped you as tears continued to fall. It killed Nagito to see you in such pain but he had to keep moving forward. You were so close… he could practically see the sparks in your eyes. He just needed to push you a little further.

“Th-that stuff you said earlier…” Nagito trembled, terrified to hear the answer to the question that had been weighing the most heavily on him. “Did you really mean it? Or was it all just to distract me? Not that someone like me deserves such words in the first place…”

Face crumpling, you found yourself unable to hold back the sobs that were now wracking your body.Your attempt to help everyone had failed and, worse yet, your efforts to bolster Nagito’s self confidence by trying to show him how much you cared about him had completely backfired. You’d been selfish enough to be needy before setting out on your plan and now you were hearing Nagito's doubt filled consequences of it.

“I-I-!” you tried to get out only to break into more sobs.

Standing up, Nagito quickly pulled you into a tight embrace and began massaging soothing circles into your back. As sure as he was to the answer of that question being the latter option, he felt an immense sense of relief at your cathartic release of emotions. If nothing else, he could always be there to relight your hope should it ever threaten to go out again. 

“Let it all out, my hope,” Nagito cooed as Fuyuhiko reached the top of the stairs.

Pausing, Fuyuhiko let out a small sigh and leaned against the wall of the landing as he began to wait out your and Nagito's emotional exchange. The others could say and think what they wanted. The frantic fear that Fuyuhiko had seen in Nagito’s eyes was all the proof he needed to know that this wasn’t an act. After all, it wasn’t too long ago that he’d felt the same fear over Peko.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit guys, I'm sorry, that last line actually hurt me to write.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you and Nagito argue.

It was truly amusing to Nagito that someone who had so recently been crying in his arms could now be so serious and commanding towards him. The tear stains were still visible on his shirt and here you were, looking up at him with such determination and authority in your eyes. He might have even laughed a bit if it hadn’t also been such a glorious show of the hope he loved to see burning so brightly from within you. It probably would have only angered you to have him laugh over such things anyway.

“We need to continue investigating,” Nagito pointed out, smiling as he gently went to pry your tight grasp from his wrist.

“Absolutely not,” you said without wavering, shaking your head as you latched onto his prying hand with your free grasp.

A thoughtful hum resonated within Nagito before allowing a small chuckle to escape himself. Pulling and rotating his arms, you let out a surprised cry as you suddenly found him forcing you to turn around and be wrapped in an embrace from behind. Letting out an annoyed huff, you found it difficult to not melt ever so slightly into the warm hug as he leaned forward and rested his chin atop your head. One of the many reasons you both loathed and begrudgingly enjoyed your boyfriend’s height over you.

“It’s the only way we can find anything out,” he hummed, expertly keeping you trapped within his arms as you struggled to regain the high ground of your struggle. 

As selfish and undeserved as it may have been, Nagito truly did find it adorable that you were so pointlessly concerned over his safety. Even as you looked up, forcing him to reposition himself and look down, he couldn’t help but to slightly blush and smile in response to your annoyed glare. You were too precious for your own good.

Unfortunately, the fluttery warmth your concern filled Nagito with was not reciprocated by you. On the contrary, you found him to be completely infuriating with how relaxed and nonchalant he was being toward the topic at hand. Even after everything he’d just admitted to you, all the fear and panic he’d felt when faced with possibly losing you, he was still so flippant towards your own concern for his safety. It was frustrating beyond words.

“No,” you bit back, finally managing to maneuver and duck your way out of Nagito’s hold while keeping your own tightly attached to him. “I won’t let you!”

“Please, _____-chan,” Nagito smiled patiently, a light hue of pink dusting your cheeks at the sweet tone he applied to your first name. “I know it’s foolish of me to think that I might actually be of any help but- 

“There has to be another way!” you shouted, catching Nagito off guard with just how desperate you sounded. “Th-this can’t be the only option…”

Stomach dropping, Nagito noticed a slight tremble of your weakening grasp. What had once been a simply annoyed and authoritative glare now held sense of fearful pleading. Why though? His panic for your well-being had been completely warranted… you were such a symbol of hope and strength. There wouldn’t be any point in his moving forward without you… but him? He was trash… worse than even. His well-being was utterly worthless and you shouldn’t have been concerning yourself so much with it. 

But… then again… you had been about to give your own life for everyone’s sake. And, as much as Nagito knew he could never come close to deserving even a fraction of such a sacrifice, it seemed reasonable to assume that you would still be shaken up about reaching such a point. And for him to be disregarding your suffering so casually… the depths of his deplorability truly were boundless.

Staring at you, Nagito easily pushed past your wavering grasp and pulled you into a soft embrace. Hesitating, you returned the hug and grasped onto his coat. Taking a deep breath, you did your best to ease your nerves. You knew Nagito was right that someone had to go into the Final Dead Room and his talent was the best suited to making it through unharmed. But, all the same, you didn’t want him going anywhere near there. It was selfish and hypocritical, all things considered, but you couldn’t help the fear that bubbled within you at the very thought of him even getting slightly hurt.

“Please don’t go in there…” you said, feeling yet another pang of guilt over the worry you’d caused him concerning the Final Dead Room. “There has to be another way… w-we just have to think and-!”

“I don’t doubt you could come up with something,” Nagito softly smiled as he basked in the pure hope that you were emitting by even proposing such a concept. “But we’re running out of time.”

Looking up, your face held a mixture of emotions. It was clear that you were desperately wracking your brain to come up with some other solution and incredibly against the idea of giving in. But, somewhere within the determination and desperation, Nagito never would’ve dared to imagine that you found yourself slowly slipping and falling back into your state of resignation and apathy. The anesthetic like numbness you’d succumbed to sounded so much more preferable to the constant fear and uneasiness you found yourself being subjected to.

But you couldn’t let yourself give into such selfishness. You had to stay strong… you had to protect and fight for those you cared for. You needed to help as much as possible, lest you allow your own anxieties and shortcoming cause more strife for everyone else.

“…I’m coming with you then,” you finally said as you pulled away from the hug, hoping that you could at least be there to curb Nagito’s propensity to disregard his personal safety.

Nagito hesitated, his first instinct being to recoil at such an idea. He wanted you nowhere near the Final Dead Room, the strange visions still weighing heavily on his mind. As much as he would’ve loved to think that stopping you earlier had erased any possibility of the garbled imagery from holding any weight, there was always the chance of his luck turning against you, especially in a room with such a foreboding name. But what was he supposed to say? 

You didn’t appear to be requesting, your words having come off as a matter-of-fact statement rather than a suggestion or question. And Nagito knew better than to think that he had any chance at dissuading you once you had your mind set on something. Where he very much admired your knack for staying determined to move forward no matter how many times you were knocked down, he knew that determination could easily translate into stubbornness as well; your unyielding attempts to stop his self deprecating comments proof enough of this.

Along with your determined nature, Nagito couldn’t help but feel unworthy of flat out denying your wishes. You were so much better than him… who was he to say what you could and couldn’t do. True, these thoughts had been entirely overshadowed in his panic induced state earlier. But now? He found the ever present knowledge of how much he didn’t deserve you in the first place to be conflicting with the overwhelming protective desires swimming throughout his heart.

Sensing Nagito’s resistance to the idea, you looked up, reached out, and took his hand in yours. “It’s going to be okay,” you said, reaching up and brushing his bangs out of his worried eyes as you did your best to also convince yourself of your words. 

“My luck could...” Nagito started, his voice fading as you squeezed his hand with a warm smile.

“We’re going to make it out of there _together_ , Nagito-chan,” you said, surprising even yourself with how confident you sounded. “I promise.”

Could you really promise such a thing? Nagito wanted to believe that anything was possible for you to accomplish as long as you had hope on your side but… deep down he knew that even you couldn’t stop his luck from eventually taking you away from him. Nobody could overpower a force as present and sure as his luck had proven to be. He had to protect your hope… he _needed_ to protect _you_ from his luck for as long as possible.

“Come on,” you said before Nagito could argue your intentions any further. “Let’s solve this case and show the others just how strong our hope really is!”

You couldn’t help but feel a wave of guilt over how manipulative and hypocritical you felt as you uttered words of hope despite feeling doubtful to their validity. Truly, you wanted possess a belief in hope as unwavering as Nagito did but, with the numb apathy you’d experienced calling out to be given in to, you found yourself questioning how worthwhile all of this struggling really was. You’d failed at making sure everyone but yourself made it out of the Fun House and hurt Nagito in the process. You’d lost another friend and would inevitably condemn another at the class trial... the loss of life seemed never ending. Coupling all of that with the crushing sense of defeat had efficiently killed any sense of self-worth you'd possessed.

It was almost morbidly funny when you thought about it. You were always getting on Nagito’s case about thinking better of himself. But, here you were… feeling as though your own existence was utterly worthless other than as a sacrifice to protect those you cared for. Protecting those that were still around felt like the only reason to keep moving forward at all anymore. If you couldn’t save everyone then you had to save as many of your friends as possible. You’d throw yourself in the way of whatever threatened to hurt your friends. Where Nagito constantly spoke of being a stepping stone towards hope, you could only think of being a human shield.

You might have even laughed about the irony of it all if you weren’t so intent on hiding all of this from Nagito. After all, there was no way he would let you go anywhere near the Final Dead Room if he were to know you’d reached such a reckless mindset. So, if speaking false words of hope was what it would take to get him to let you protect him then so be it.

“...Okay,” Nagito finally said, offering a warm smile at your words.

It was comforting to hear you speak of hope with such sureness, especially after having seen you at such a low point not long before. And there really would be no convincing you otherwise, no matter how much he wished this to not be the case. If you were to accompany him, he could at least let you take comfort in the idea that you were in charge of things. He would allow you to lead the way while being ready to jump in the way of any danger at a moment’s notice. Your safety would be his top priority, even if you wanted to believe differently.

Hands intertwined, the two of you made your way towards the Final Dead Room with goals clear in your minds. Reaching the door, Nagito glanced at you as you paused, hoping to see some sort of hesitation.in your movements. Though a a slight sense of fear raced through you, you tentatively reached out to push the door open and glanced up at him with a similar hope in mind. Offering an encouraging smile, he quickly mirrored your movements and reached for the other door. With neither of you willing to buckle in the face of the other entering alone, the two of you gently squeezed each other's hand and entered. What lay ahead, you could only guess and but one thing was for certain... both you and Nagito were determined to make sure each other made it out, even if yourselves didn't.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Nagito plays Russian Roulette

This hadn’t been what you’d been expecting at all. Being stuck in an escape room with Nagito was one thing… Monomi also being there was unplanned but not an unwelcome surprise. At the very least, she served as a witness to back up any testimonies and hopefully dispel any doubts the others may have. The gun that you and Nagito were now staring at though? The idea of one of you having to play a round of Russian Roulette to ever get out of this small room? Now that was something you felt a rush of a panic over.

“Shouldn’t it be the opposite?” Nagito asked, catching you off guard as you stared uneasily at the gun in question. “Remove one bullet from the gun… and then use it while there’s still five bullets loaded?”

“No…” you said, turning your head to look at Nagito with confusion and worry.

Russian Roulette relied entirely on luck and you knew him well enough to not even have to question if he would or wouldn’t have second thoughts about pulling that trigger no matter what the odds were. But for him to be questioning and arguing the rules in a way that made the odds less in his favor? It was as if he was trying to die… like he _wanted_ to leave you on your own. Such thoughts were too much and you immediately found yourself wanting to withdraw from the lonely fears they brought with them. 

“If you do that, there will only be a one-sixth chance of success…” Nagito continued on, almost as though he was entranced with the idea of such reckless abandonment while you did your best to stay afloat in the dual storms of panic and apathy that were fighting to drown you. “Yep, that would definitely make it a more thrilling game!”

“Wha-what are you saying…?” Monomi asked frightfully.

“Let’s give it a go!” Nagito chirped, reaching forward.

No, you weren’t about to lose Nagito. You’d come with him to stop that from happening. You had to do something! Quicker than you’d ever moved before, you lunged forward and grabbed for Nagito’s outstretching arm. But just stopping his movement wouldn’t be enough... you’d have to get the gun out of reach and remove any reason for him to use it if you were going to have any peace of mind.

Glancing over as you latched onto his arm, Nagito might have even swooned at the hope driven determination in your eyes if it hadn’t been for the fact you were currently reaching towards the gun with your free hand. Hardly missing a beat, he quickly reached out with his free hand and caught yours mere inches from the weapon. Maneuvering your arm away from the gun, he turned to regard you with a pleasant smile. You two had reached an impasse; a stalemate that could only last as long as the two of you managed to placate each other.

Nagito’s smile was calm and unwavering as he took in the steely resolve you stared back at him with. There was no way you would willingly let him anywhere near a gun if you could help it. If nothing else, your not-so-subtle attempts to gradually scoot the two of you away from the weapon proof enough of such intentions. Though, for as strong as your intentions were, his were just as steadfast. He wouldn’t be allowing you to convince him otherwise when it came to who would be pulling the trigger on their self. 

“Can’t we just skip all this?” Nagito chuckled as he allowed you to pull him away and over to the bed where a torn open Monokuma doll sat.

“Why would you even suggest something like that!?” you shouted, anger overtaking any sense of tranquility that may have still been residing within you. “Just because we have to play along with all of this doesn’t mean you have to be reckless about it!”

“Hm… perhaps I took it too far?” he chuckled, doing his best to position himself the closer of you two to the gun as Monomi tried her best to calm you.

“Wha-” you froze before turning your angry gaze to the floor “Are you serious?”

“Hm?” he hummed, looking at you with curiosity. 

“I just… don’t get it…” you said, turning your angry gaze to the floor. “Earlier you were panicking over me coming in here to try to… help everyone… and now you’re just joking about making a game of Russian Roulette more exciting like it’s nothing. What’s wrong with you!?”

Other than his blinking, you wouldn’t have even been able to tell that Nagito had been caught off guard by your words with how unwavering the calm smile on his face remained as you berated him. But, truth be told, he was surprised to hear such words leave your mouth. You’d scolded his self-deprecation plenty of times before, but you’d always been so kind with your words at the same time. You weren’t one to imply something was wrong with someone else. Perhaps you were finally seeing him for the worthless, piece of trash he was. It was a sad thought but not unearned. He’d long since been overdue to have you walk out on him. But he hadn’t thought his enthusiasm for truly putting his talent to the test would elicit such a response from you. Alas, such was the life of one as deplorable as him. 

You didn’t deserve to waste a second of your anger or time on Nagito though. No, as much as he loved to see you alight with such passion, that should be saved for an appropriate venue. One where everyone could see how brightly your passion and hope burned from within you. And it truly didn’t make sense to proceed in any other way. Even if he hadn’t been the one who was more likely to survive a round of Russian Roulette, he’d already almost lost you today. You were strong and would be fine without him in the end. Someone else, someone who was more deserving of your worth, would surely come along and take his place eventually. And even if someone didn’t, you were amazing and would do so much without his dead weight holding you down.

Smile spreading all the way across his face, Nagito took advantage of your distraction and quickly slipped out of your grasp as he let go of you. “W-wait!” you cried out, looking up and quickly trying but failing to grab his arm as he took a couple of long strides away from you

You hadn't meant to blow up like that or loosen your grip in the first place. You hadn’t wanted things to turn out this way. You had only wanted to protect your friends and keep Nagito out of harm’s way. But things rarely seemed to go how you wanted them to. Even as you ran forward, Nagito had quickly grabbed the gun and removed one bullet, closing the barrel before you could even manage to grab onto one of his arms. Looking down at you with his smile still in place, he easily held the gun out of your reach and pointed it at his temple. You stared up, a pleading fear in your eyes as you contemplated how to proceed. You didn’t dare move too suddenly, the fear of making him accidentally pull the trigger all too real. But you also couldn’t just let him do this. 

“I’ve only removed one bullet… so there’s only a one-in-six chance that I’ll survive,” Nagito said as he ignored Monomi’s desperate cries for him to stop.

“You don’t have to do this,” you said, voice quivering as you tightly grasped the sleeve of his coat. “Just put the gun down.”

“It’s not much of a talent… but, even I have an Ultimate-level talent, you know,” Nagito ignored your pleas, his gaze following you as you slowly shuffled around so that you were in front of him. “I’m the Ultimate Lucky Student.”

“We can find another way…” you trembled, reaching up and lightly touching his hand; as if the gesture might sway him to hand over the weapon.

“But if I can’t win when there’s only a one-in-six chance of success, then what kind of ultimate talent is that?” Nagito continued on. “I mean, if my luck gets me killed like this… then there’s no way you can really call that talent.”

“Please Nagito!” you cried, your throat tight as you desperately 

“If I’m truly the Ultimate Lucky Student, then I need to survive here!” Nagito said as he cocked the gun. “Isn’t that right?”

“ _No!_ ” you screeched, rushing to pull Nagito’s hand away as he pulled the trigger.

…

…

_Click._

Staring up, you released the breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding as a wave of relief washed over you. The gun had failed to go off… Nagito’s luck had come through and the two of you were making it out of the Final Dead Room unharmed. You could hardly believe it.

“That sound just now… that was the door unlocking right?” Nagito asked, bringing you out of your shock. “Haha! Looks like we finally cleared the Final Dead Room!”

“...I-I…” Mononmi stuttered. “I… I’m scared of you, Nagito…”

“Hm? Really?” Nagito asked before shrugging it off and setting the gun down. “Oh well, let’s go… the Octagon should be just beyond that door.”

“W-wait…” you said, grabbing hold of Nagito’s coat before he could walk away.

An array of emotions coursed through you as you took in the nonchalant expression Nagito wore. It was as though he didn’t even realize that he could’ve just died… either that or he didn’t care. You were torn, part of you wanting nothing more than to hold him and never let go while the other part of you wanted to yell and scream at him for being so careless.

“Why would you do something like that?” you finally managed to get out, eyes searching for any sign of fear or relief in his expression. 

“It only made sense for someone a worthle-”

“Stop that...” you sighed, too exhausted and emotionally drained to muster any sort of authority to your tone. “Can you please stop talking about yourself that way?”

“It’s kind of someone as talented and ama-!”

“And please stop putting me on a pedestal,” you huffed, growing aggravated with the familiar cycle you found yourself entering. “You constantly praise my talent and my hope... always saying how brightly it shines and talking about how amazing ultimates are. I… nobody can live up to the heights you hold us at...”

“To be so talented and yet remain so humble,” Nagito smiled. “Amazing.”

“Stop!” you snapped. “You’re so in love with hope and talent! It’s not fair to constantly project your ideals on me or anyone else for that matter!”

“Project? But-” 

“And why the hell did you do that!?” you demanded, tears springing to your eyes as you angrily gestured to the gun.

Furrowing his brows, Nagito stared at you. He couldn’t figure out why you’d be so upset or possibly think anything he saw in you was a projection. You were an embodiment of hope and, without a doubt, held more talent than anyone else he’d ever met. How could the truth be a projection?

“We had to play the game to continue forward,” Nagito offered, driven further into confusion when this answer didn’t seem to satisfy you.

“Bullshit!” you shot back as Monomi looked between the two of you with worry.. “You didn’t HAVE to only take one bullet out of there. Nobody forced you to hold a gun up to your head while I begged you to put it down!”

“Puhuhuhu~” came the familiar laugh as the door to the Octagon swung open. “As much as I love listening to a lover’s quarrel, I figured I should pop by to remind you that the clock is ticking!

“We were just finishing here anyway,” you said as you let go of Nagito, knowing that if you continued the conversation any further it would only lead to words you’d regret later.

Looking away, you pushed past Nagito and Monokuma as the black and white bear went on to congratulate the lucky student on his success with clearing the Final Dead Room at the highest difficulty. “Even if some participants tried to ruin the game,” Monokuma practically pouted, giving you the side eye as you tuned him out to investigate the Octagon. 

Warily, Monomi waddled after you to make sure you were alright. Using the distraction to his advantage, Monokuma turned his attention back to Nagito and spoke in a quiet voice. “I have a modest present for someone like you~” he said, producing a stack of files seemingly out of thin air. 

Taking the folders, Nagito scanned over them and noticed that they all boasted the logo for Hope’s Peak Academy. Eyes flicking up, Nagito found himself staring at you as he wondered how he could have possibly felt being surrounded by so many Ultimates. You’d recently asked him if he thought you two had been as close back then as you were now and he could help but feel a nervous pit forming in his stomach at such thoughts. There was no way… not when you’d obviously had so many more options for friends. Surly you had found others that were better suited for you… more deserving.

Returning his gaze to the files, Nagito flipped through them before stopping on Hajime. Oh! Maybe he could actually prove to be of some use and find out what Hajime’s forgotten talent was! The thought made him happy as he opened the folder. If only you hadn’t been so angry and set on not paying him any mind. Then you might have seen the files in the first place and seen how he’d frozen upon seeing the words _Reserve Course_ in Hajime’s. You might have even noticed the look of heartbreak and disgust he shot at you as he continued through the files and learned of a group called _The Remnants of Despair_. But you didn’t, nor did you notice him hiding the files in his coat before joining you to investigate the Octagon in tense silence. His luck really had come through.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you go to talk with Nagito.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a lot actually happens in this chapter. It's a lot of stream of consciousness for Reader-Chan but I felt like it was important to include since it's the lead up to, what I think is, a really important moment. I dunno, I enjoyed writing it and really hope you guys like it ^^

Stars twinkled in the night sky, all of them reflected beautifully in the clear water of the hotel pool. It probably would’ve been a breathtaking sight had you not been so lost in your own thoughts, dangling your legs into said pool as you sat at the edge of it. Thinking back on everything that had transpired in The Final Dead Room, part of you worried that maybe you’d gone too far in telling Nagito off. The fear that you’d been too harsh in your burst of emotion was weighing heavily on you despite having finally gotten so many insecurities and frustrations off of your chest. Besides that, you couldn’t recall anything that would have crossed any lines and, given the circumstances, you weren’t sure you could really say that you were sorry for anything you’d said. 

There was still that part of you that knew Nagito didn't think about things the same way you or anybody else did though. He’d been shaped by all of the terrible things he’d been through in life. He was always saying that his bad luck led to good luck and you were inclined to believe that he truly lived by that philosophy. The bad events had clearly had profound effects on him though; the worries he’d often expressed of his bad luck inevitably hurting you were proof of enough of that. And there were the health issues he’d confided in you about… cancer and dementia. 

It was something that had weighed heavily on your heart ever since finding out. Nagito, being Nagito, had told you not to waste you energy and time worrying over someone like him; this had, of course, only led to one of your many lectures on self-worth and showering him with compliments and affection. Thinking back on it, you wondered if all that affection may have actually acted as a reward to his self-deprecation. Just another thing to add to the list of your failings toward him.

Sighing, you knew that his being sick shouldn’t affect the validity of what you’d said. It wouldn’t be fair to either of you to lie, hide your feelings, or let such serious things slide without mention out of pity. No relationship, romantic or not, would last if you took that approach. But you were still left feeling incredibly guilty and as though you were the one in the wrong. Deep down you knew he didn’t have any ill intent in the actions he took in the Final Dead Room, but that also didn’t invalidate your feeling frustrated and upset about everything.

Complicating your emotions even further; Now that you’d had a chance to eat and get some fresh air, you felt absolutely terrible about having thought that going into the Final Dead Room to sacrifice yourself was a good idea in the first place. You still stood by the sentiment behind the idea, but you wished that you had talked to the others… confided in someone that you were feeling so hopeless about everything. Because, the more that you thought about it, the less it felt like you were doing it just for the sake of everyone else.

So much of it had been about escaping… getting away from the guilt you felt over causing distrust in the previous class trial. More than that though, you couldn’t help but realize that the thought of never having to feel disgusted and at war with yourself honestly sounded incredibly tantalizing. That realization was scary and, as heavily as it was weighing on you, you weren’t sure you wanted to- or even could- confide in anyone about it. Talking about such things would only lead to the others worrying… everybody already had so much to worry about without you making matters worse. It would be selfish to add more to anybody’s plate and you’d already been so selfish as of late. You were trapped in a vicious cycle that was tearing you apart inside and it felt like there was no end in sight to it.

Lowering your gaze, you brought one of your arms up and rubbed away the tears that were threatening to fall. You weren’t going to cry… you’d already cried so much during your time on Jabberwock Island. None of the other guys ever broke down and cried in front of everyone else as much as you did… heck, none of the girls did either. If you ever wanted anyone to see you as manly then- no. That wasn’t fair to tell yourself. You knew that crying was completely natural and healthy for anyone, male or not. But, all the same, you couldn’t help feeling self-conscious over it.

Letting out a sigh, you tried to ignore your insecurities as you moved on to thinking about what you were supposed to do for the rest of the night. Other than eating at the restaurant, sitting by the pool while you tried to mull through everything was the only thing you’d done since getting back to the main island. You were tired and wanted to go to bed but… other than when the despair disease had been an issue, you hadn’t spent a night without Nagito since he’d been let out of the abandoned building.

It would be unfair to request Nagito to be so intimate with you after having recently gone off on him. And it would be awkward when you still felt so negatively towards the situation. But you honestly couldn’t see yourself getting much sleep without his presence beside you either. The sense of codependency was frustrating… you hated feeling so needy and selfish. None of it seemed to outweigh the longing to just give in and be held in a warm embrace though.

Even with all of your own reasons to debate the options, a large part of you worried that Nagito wouldn’t want you anywhere near him either way. You’d hurt him when you’d tried to go through with your plan… you’d proclaimed your love to him, only to leave in an attempt to end your life. As unintentional as it had been, you’d hurt him and planted cause for doubt towards yourself. Forgiving yourself sounded far-fetched enough, expecting Nagito to ever be able to so felt beyond impossible. Especially with how distant he’d been acting since leaving the Octagon. Honestly, the more you thought about it, the more it seemed like something about him had changed since then.

Upon revealing his discovery of Hajime’s talent, or lack-there-of, Nagito had been incredibly demeaning and dismissive towards the other boy and had displayed similar treatment towards just about everybody else during the class trial. And, though it hadn’t really phased you at the time with how angry you’d been, Nagito had also left without you to go investigate and Chiaki had been the one to point out how odd this seemed after how Fuyuhiko had described the concern he’d displayed over you. You’d shrugged it off, feeling that he’d been more than willing to leave you on your own when he’d first brought up going to the Final Dead Room on his own and then when he’d played Russian Roulette. But now… it did feel rather unsettling that he’d left you so easily after being so panicked over your safety.

And when you’d all made it back onto the main island… Nagito had been quick to leave you behind again. It had stung more this time, all of you having just witnessed the death of yet another friend, Gundham having been declared the blackened in the end. In the end, Gundham and Nekomaru had been the ones to sacrifice themselves for the sake of everyone, not you. They’d done it so that all of you could live to see another day. And you were spending that day contemplating if you should go try to make amends with someone you held dear to you. How pathetic.

Swallowing your pride and fear, you made the decision to at least go and talk to Nagito. Even if you hadn’t been involved in a killing game, you didn’t like the thought of going to sleep upset with each other. Even if you didn’t end up staying the night together, you wanted to make sure that he knew you really did love and care for him. It was the least you could do after everything.

Standing up, you slipped your sandals back on and made your way to Nagito’s cabin. With a nervous knot in your stomach, you took a deep breath as you stopped at the front door and hesitantly knocked. Concern bubbling when he didn’t immediately respond like normal, you went to knock again but quickly stopped, startled when the door suddenly opened.

“Hm?” Nagito hummed as he looked to see who it was, blocking your entry and line of sight into the room as he stood in the door frame with the door still partially closed. “Is there something you need?”

“Are you okay?” you asked, concern welling in you as you noticed how out of breath Nagito appeared to be.

“I’m fine,” Nagito nodded as he looked at you expectantly.

“Okay... if you’re sure…” you said, unconvinced but not wanting to cause another argument. “Can I come in?”

“No,” Nagito said, not missing a beat.

“O-oh…” you breathed, a little bit surprised by how quickly and coldly Nagito had responded. “Would you be willing to come out here and talk for a bit then?”

Staring at you for a few moments, Nagito’s expression was unreadable. You squirmed under his quiet gaze, worried what could possibly be going through his mind. You were fairly good at reading people but Nagito could be unpredictable and difficult to understand even on a day to day basis. Being open and genuine was frightening enough with all of that. So this poker face he was wearing while you were already feeling worried only served to make it all the more terrifyingly nerve wracking. 

“As kind as it is for you to want to gift someone like me your time…” Nagito said, your stomach dropping at his words. “I have to decline.”

Not giving you even a moment to respond, Nagito stepped back and closed the door on you. No good night or gentle smile, just the same poker face and an all too loud click that alerted you to the fact he’d locked it behind him, effectively shutting you out from his world for the time being. Then silence… suffocating, lonely silence.

Tears building, you began making your way to your own cabin as you desperately tried to ignore the voice in your head. It was the same one that always seemed to appear whenever your insecurities began bubbling up. Quiet whispers suggesting that Nagito had finally had enough of you. Whispers that grew ever louder as they said that everything he’d said when he had come down with the despair disease wasn’t a lie after all and that your fears of nobody accepting the real you were finally proving to be true after all. 

Part of you knew that it wasn’t really logical to get so upset and that you were probably overreacting. After all, you could always try to talk again in the morning. But it still hurt. He’d been so formal and nonchalant… as if he were turning down meeting up with an acquaintance rather than refusing to talk after a fight with you, his boyfriend. …Or would you be his ex-boyfriend at this point? No, you didn’t want to and couldn’t let yourself like that. Nagito was the first person you’d really opened up to and felt comfortable enough to be the real you around. Right now it seemed like you'd fucked up badly enough that he was pushing all of that aside and leaving you behind. But nothing was set in stone. You had to keep hold of the one thing he always seemed to see in you even in the darkest of times… you had to be hopeful.

* * *

Within the confines of his cabin, Nagito sat on his bed with a frown as he glanced from the mini-fridge he’d finished setting up to the files that were sprawled across the table in the center of the room. Monokuma had admitted earlier that night to not knowing who the traitor was but Nagito was hoping more than anything that it was you. He wanted to believe that the hope and kindness you emitted were genuine, not just the result of having lost your memories. But he couldn’t just act on that blind hope and tell you everything he’d found out.

There was a crucial difference between you and Nagito and he was well aware of it. Where he would act for the sake of hope itself, you cared deeply for everyone around you no matter how little you knew them. If he let you in on what he knew and you weren’t the traitor then you’d surely alert the others. It wouldn’t matter if they were the horrible, vile people Nagito now knew everyone to be; you would do everything in your power to protect them and try to win him over to their side. Your empathy would be his undoing. Your bright smile and kind heart would stop him in his tracks. You’d use your hope to help those who didn’t deserve a drop of it and he couldn’t allow that. 

It was almost funny to think that, just a handful of hours ago, Nagito had been so panicked over visions of you being hurt and dying. Everything from here on out was for the sake of hope and he now had to accept that you dying might very well have to be an end result of this. Accepting this fact had made one thing abundantly clear; falling in love with you truly was the worst luck he’d ever experienced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, this chapter was kind therapeutic to write in that I got to work through a couple things I struggle with (totally not obvious what those might be oops) pretty frequently. I feel like writing agnst being comforting to me says a lot about my depressed ass but oh welllll~


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the fifth island is open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ended up being what was supposed to be two seperate chapters merged together because I decide not enough actually happened in the first part. So... extra long chapter? Yes! More angst than was originally planned for the chapter? Also yes :D

Sleep hadn’t come easily that first night back; Nagito turning you away and locking his cabin had left you feeling incredibly alone as you restlessly tossed and turned the entire night. No matter how much you tried to reassure yourself that all would be fine in the coming days, you found yourself unable to drift off for more than a few minutes at a time and uneasily and constantly reach out for a source of warmth and comfort that was missing beside you. So, when the sun began peaking through the window of your own cabin, you’d been all too eager to give up your fruitless efforts and try to calm your nerves with the cool morning air. Though, this eagerness was also accompanied by the exhaustion of having gotten so little sleep while still recovering from your time in Fun House. Sighing, you dragged yourself out of bed and to the bathroom.

If you were being honest, you hadn’t been incredibly heartbroken over not being able to bathe while trapped in the Fun House. Yes, you had felt incredibly gross not being able to wash away the sweat and grease that built up and having to wear the same unwashed clothes for days on end. But you also weren’t the biggest fan of the process of bathing, all of it only serving to remind you of everything you so desperately wished you could change about your body. Not having to get undressed and lacking access to any mirrors had been a nice reprieve from the regular spike in your dysphoria. 

You supposed you could always just not shower… Though that seemed like it would just bring up more trouble than it was worth. If Hiyoko’s struggles with tying her kimono had taught you anything, it was that not bathing would more than likely only lead to the others bringing up the smell. You didn’t want any more reasons for them to question you… you couldn’t handle any more suspicion and distrust being placed upon you. As it was, you already felt more outnumbered and alone than ever.

Kazuichi was blindly pointing at just about everyone and accusing them of being the traitor without hesitation or remorse. Akane was quick to jump on board with questioning, her impulsive and somewhat abrasive nature leading to more conflict than was necessary. Fuyuhiko had become more reasonable and understanding as of late, but he’d be well within reason to want answers as well. And there was no denying that Gundham had been quietly nudging Sonia away from pressing you for answers too much but now… well Gundham had unfortunately deemed the blackened less than a day prior. 

Chiaki was one of the most rational of your remaining friends; she was probably the least likely to question you out of the bunch. Though, she wasn’t actually aware of your circumstances and you were nowhere near comfortable enough with the idea of confiding in her about it. And you were still too scared to approach Hajime about everything. He must’ve thought you an ungrateful coward at this point... you’d never actually taken the time to thank or talk to him about things after recovering from the despair disease or the fallout of Mikan’s trial. To top it all off, he already had his own insecurities that he was being forced to confront. And, as much as you had tried to convey that his status as a reserve course student didn’t matter, you know that your words alone wouldn’t completely quell those doubts. So, as unlikely as it might have been, you wouldn’t blame Hajime for not coming to your aid should the others begin questioning your behavior again. He had a lot on his plate… and who were you to add to that?

And then there was Nagito… you still weren’t sure what was happening on that front. As much as you were desperately hoping that things would work out for the best… you really want to consider the possibility that he wouldn’t be there for you anymore. Such a thought hurt more than anything else. Not only did you absolutely love him… he was the only person you’d ever trusted enough to truly let in. You weren’t entirely sure you could ever truly recover should he turn his back on you. 

Shaking your head, you decide it was best to not dwell on such thoughts. No matter what the case ended up being, you’d force yourself to suffer through this spike of dysphoria in private if it would avoid further needless conflict amongst you and your peers. Passing the light switch, you performed the ritual you’d come up with; minimizing time in shower and getting dressed as quickly as possible in the dark bathroom. Stepping back into the living area of your cabin, you found a huge yawn escaping you as you rubbed your eyes. Even with the shower having only lasted a few minutes, the warm water had felt heavenly and managed to relax you enough to make you think that you might possibly be able to get a couple of hours of sleep after all.. 

Trudging over to your bed, you laid down and closed your eyes. You would get back open in just a minute. And even if you didn’t, Monokuma’s morning announcement would surely wake you up. You’d make it to the restaurant to meet up with everyone no problem. Crawling under the covers and sinking into your mattress, you found your sense of exhaustion quickly intensifying tenfold. Limbs and eyes suddenly feeling as heavy as led, you did your best to guide your mind to a happier place. 

Thoughts of how you’d talk to Nagito in a few hours and the two of you would make up slowly drifted through your head. You’d explain that you’d just been scared… that you hadn’t meant to get so angry… that you still loved him. You two would be by each other’s side again and regain some sense of stability. Lips spreading into a light smile, you exhaled as you imagined how comforting having his presence beside you again would feel. Everything would be fine… everything was going to be okay. Nobody else would die… you’d all make it home together and be safe. You’d all get to be… happy.

_ThudThudThud._

No... you’d just closed your eyes. Snuggling deeper into the covers you’d already sleepily cocooned yourself into, you nestled into the warmth. It was so comfortable… more comfortable than ever… so secure and soft. Whatever was trying so hard to take you out of that sense of serenity could wait.

_ThudThudThud. -Nnthmf!_

Whyyyy? You just wanted a few minutes of the wave of calmness that had overtaken you. If only the almost rhythmic thudding would just go away… and whoever was mumbling. Couldn’t they at least try to speak clearly? Why would even anyone even be making so much noise at such an early hour?

_ThudThudThud. Aammph!_

Grunting, you slowly blinked and came to realize that you’d covered your head with one of your pillows, making whatever it was that you were hearing extremely muffled as a result. Untangling yourself from the blankets and throwing the pillow to the side, you groaned at the slowly throbbing headache you felt and immediately covered your eyes. It had been so dimly lit just a minute ago and now there was an abundance of bright sunlight that was now flooding your cabin. Was it possible that you’d actually fallen asleep in that short time? If so, how long had it been? 

As you adjusted to the light, you slowly came to comprehend the thudding was someone knocking at your door as they shouted to see if you were around. It sounded like… Fuyuhiko? That was odd… sure you two had interacted more ever since he’d gotten out of the hospital. But, even then, he’d never seemed extremely interested in seeking out an active friendship with you in particular. Nor had he ever come to your cabin. What could he possibly want?

Standing up, you stumbled over and opened the door. Groaning, you winced and shielded your eyes from even more blinding sunlight invading your senses. Why did your head hurt so much? Blinking and slowly lowering your arms, you adjusted to the light as you smiled and waved sleepily at the small yakuza. 

“Tch, were you planning on ever getting up today, dumbass?” Fuyuhiko sighed, though the teasing smirk he wore made it hard to take the condescending tone or words too seriously.

“G’morning to you too,” you mumbled, doing your best to rub the sleep from your still adjusting eyes. “What time is it anyway?

Judging by the cool breeze, it was a safe guess that it probably wasn’t too late in the day yet. But you’d clearly been in bed a lot longer than you’d initially planned on. “Around one in the afternoon.” Fuyuhiko shrugged, catching you off guard. “Maybe two?”

Had you really slept in so late? You were honestly surprised Monokuma had shown up to chew you out for sleeping through the morning announcement… taking away the rest you needed didn’t sounded anywhere out of the realm of possibilities with him. But, more importantly, for you to have slept so late also meant that Nagito hadn’t bothered to come check on you. Even before you two had begun spending the night in each other's cabins, one of you would always stop by in the morning if one hadn’t seen the other at the restaurant. It had started out as mostly you doing so, but he’d also picked up on the habit and came to make sure you were alright the couple of mornings that you’d ended up oversleeping. It made you uneasy to think that maybe he hadn’t thought you worth his time this morning

“O-oh,” you said, scratching the back of your neck sheepishly as you tried to push your anxieties down. “S-so I guess everyone’s probably gone their separate ways for the morning then?”

“Everyone left to explore the new island a while ago,” Fuyhiko confirmed. “I figured we should all meet up to discuss things though. Everyone else is still on the fifth island though, so it’s probably best if it’s there. There’s a street with a bunch of food vendors near the entrance. Just turn right and you can’t miss it.”

You nodded. It made sense, there was no reason for everyone else to head back at this point and you still needed to explore the island yourself. Maybe you’d find and be able to talk to Nagito once you were there as well. “Sounds good to me. I’ll get ready and head right over.”

With a quick nod, Fuyuhiko turned to leave before pausing and looking back at you. “Is it safe to assume Nagito will be coming with you?”

Furrowing your brow, you slowly shook your head. “I-... I’m not sure… have you seen him today?”

“He’s not with you?” Fuyuhiko asked, frowning.

“N-no, he locked-... he um… he didn’t want to talk last night…” you admitted, shuffling awkwardly as you wrung your hands anxiously.

Fuyuhiko stared, taken aback by your words. Sure, Nagito had seemed different at the trial and both Hajime and Chiaki had mentioned that the two of you had been fighting over how things had played out in The Final Dead Room and Octagon. But Nagito had been so panicked and worried about you not even 24 hours ago. Something was definitely up if he’d turned you away and that didn’t sit well with Fuyuhiko. Nagito was unpredictable enough as it was, nothing good could come of him knowing about something that everyone else was in the dark to. 

“Oh…” he said, mulling over what all of this could possibly mean. “Well… if you see him, then please let him know about the plans.”

“W-will do,” you said, managing to force a weak smile. “Thanks for letting me know.”

Nodding, Fuyuhiko turned and began making his way back to the fifth island with plenty of new questions and worries rolling around in his mind. Smile dropping from your face, you closed the door to your cabin with an anxious frown. It sounded like Nagito hadn’t shown up to the restaurant either… did that mean he’d headed off to the fifth island before everyone else? If that was the case, you felt a bit nervous that he might be cutting the others and yourself off from himself. 

As much as it would hurt, you could understand if he wanted space from you. And his words towards Hajime had been anything but kind ever since finding out about his status of being a reserve course student. But everyone else… you couldn’t imagine that your words of him holding everyone up to unachievable standards would so easily dissuade his idolism of Ultimates. That was such a deeply ingrained facet of Nagito and his world views as a whole, almost as much as his absolute devotion to all things hope. Maybe he’d just overslept like you…?

Quickly rushing to the bathroom, you briefly made sure your bedhead wasn’t too egregious and put on your shoes before hurrying out of your cabin. Practically running, you almost immediately found yourself in front of Nagito’s front door and knocked. Anxiety rising at a lack of answer, you knock again, louder and a bit more frantically this time. But there was no answer.

Biting your bottom lip, you shakily went to grab the doorknob. It felt a bit wrong to try to enter when he’d made it so explicitly clear that he didn’t want you to come in just the night before but… but you had to slow the erratic beating of your heart! You could barely breathe with how worried you were in that moment. Surely he would understand if you came in to wake him!

Grasping the handle, you moved to open the door but nothing happened. It was still locked… forcing yourself to take a couple of deep breaths, you tried to calm yourself. There was no need to panic. The door being locked only meant one of two possibilities. One was that he was still in there and didn’t want to be bothered. The other, and more likely, was that he’d already headed out for the day. 

“N-Nagito?” you said, you voice just loud enough that you were sure he’d be able to hear you if he was still in. “If you’re in there… we’re- um, we’re all going to be meeting at a street with a bunch of food vendors on the fifth island. ...I-I get it if you would rather head there on your own…”

Waiting a few moments, you were finding it increasingly difficult to maintain your composure. If your headache hadn’t been already causing tears to prick at your eyes, then surely the deafening silence answering your words would have. “O-okay,” you said. “I’ll see you there…”

Stepping back, you hesitated as another sentiment escaped you. It was short and quiet; only three words and hardly audible. But, as you turned and hurried towards the fifth island with the hope of possibly running into Nagito, the words managed to find their way to the pale boy carefully hidden between his own and Gundham’s old cabin.

Quietly, Nagito made his way out from his hiding place and smiled as he stared after you. It was sweet of you to care enough to look for him, especially with such intensity. But he’d already heard of Fuyuhiko’s plans multiple times over as he’d kept an eye on everyone else’s explorations. Truthfully, he’d only headed back over to the hotel to see if you’d finally awoken from your peaceful state; worried that maybe he’d used too strong of a dose of anesthetics on your sheets while you’d showered. 

It’d hurt Nagito to see you so restless and he’d been beginning to think that you’d never fall asleep as he’d peaked through the windows of your cabin. But then his luck had come through and offered him not only a chance to help with your restlessness, but an opportunity to test something he’d picked up from the drug store on the second island. He’d had to be extremely quick and quiet with his actions, knowing that you never spent longer than necessary when it came to such things. Thankfully, you’d never been one to think about locking your cabin though and that had made things much simpler. You hadn’t even noticed the light smell or dampness over your own freshly washed hair. 

It was nice to know it was so effective. Surely, you’d must have already been exhausted but you’d fallen asleep so quickly and soundly. It’d been so easy to crawl out from under your bed to leave. And getting to see your troubled expression give way to a lovely smile as you drifted into such a peaceful slumber had given Nagito all the resolve he could ever need to go through with his plans. You were his hope. And all of this was for hope. So, in a sense, he was doing all of this for you as well as the sake of hope as a whole.

But Nagito also wasn’t foolish enough to think you’d immediately go along with his plan or back of easily once you learned of it, especially once he revealed the surprise he had for everyone in the hotel lobby. Though, if his wishes were granted and you did happen to be the traitor, he wouldn’t have any need to go to such lengths as incapacitating you. With how selflessly caring he knew you to be, such threats to everyone's safety would surely cause you to come clean and admit to knowing everything about The Remnants of Despair. And if you weren’t? Well, then there was no need to see such pain on your face when he could keep you so blissfully unaware while he placed the final pieces of the puzzle. Yes... this was all for the best in the end.

“I love you too, ____” Nagito softly sighed, smiling as he began making his way to the fifth island.

* * *

“Weak… how weak…”

Before anyone even had a chance to comprehend what was being said, Nagito walked up. You felt your breath catch at his words. Weak? What was he talking about? He couldn’t possibly be referring to what Sonia had just said about there not being a traitor. ...Could he?

“Instead of facing the problem directly and overcoming it… you're desperately trying to run away…. That weakness… is hopeless!” Nagito explained.

Furrowing your brows, you tried to think of what Nagito could possibly mean by such a thing. And it seemed everyone else was left fairly confused and suspicious at his vague words as well. As everyone else muttered their concerns about what he could possibly be up to, you found yourself unable to speak as you stared at him. Your mouth and throat were suddenly dry; your heart racing a mile a minute as your body seemed to freeze in place. And just as you managed to recover enough to even try speaking, Hajime was asking Nagito what he’d been doing this entire time.

Frankly, you were curious about this too. You’d already explained upon arriving that you’d fallen into a much deeper sleep than you’d planned and accidentally overslept. But Nagito… nobody had seen him all day and he hadn’t answered the door when you’d been at his cabin. So he’d either ignored you by choice or had been wandering about on his own. You weren’t entirely sure which answer you’d prefer to have in the end.

“I wonder where your thought process wandered off to… As usual, you guys just keep running around in circles. ...What are you, hamsters?” Nagito sighed before lightheartedly chuckling. “Oops. If I compare you guys to hamsters, will I get yelled at by that weakling who dropped out?”

“Wha-what does that…?” Sonia began as you stared in shock.

How could Nagito say something so heartless? It hadn’t even been a full day after you’d all had to say goodbye to Gundham and Nagito was acting as if he were talking about the weather. What was going on?

“You asked where I’ve been this whole time, right?” Nagito continued on. “Well I was in the middle of looking for someone.”

“Looking for someone?” Hajime asked, everyone glancing towards you for a moment.

“Wha-?” you began, confused to who he could possibly be referring to.

You’d been the one who’d been looking for Nagito earlier though. So it couldn’t possibly be you. Who then? Everyone other than Monokuma and Monomi was already standing right there. There was nobody else left on the island. Unless…?

“I thought that person might have already arrived… but I guess I was wrong,” Nagito sighed. “Or maybe… that person is hiding in a secret location and carefully watching us…?”

“Hey, who are you talking about...?” Fuyuhiko asked nervously. “Are you saying there’s someone else on this island besides us…?”

“It’s probably the survivor of the killing school life!” Nagito cheerily suggested, taking you all by surprise.

“...Huh?” Chiaki gasped, adequately voicing everyone’s current thought.

“If so, a lot of things might start adding up, don’t you think?” Nagito offered.

“Are you… talking about Byakuya? He’s the ‘survivor’ you’re talking about, right?” Hajime asked.

“Huh?” Nagito gasped. “Oh… I see, you guys have only reached _that stage_ …”

“What stage…?” Akane demanded. “You’re not makin’ any sense at all!”

“NOT MAKIN’ SENSE!” Minimaru shouted in agreement.

“But still… if you think about it properly, you might be able to figure it out...” Nagito huffed in annoyance.

What was Nagito talking about? Byakuya was the one person on this island who’d survived the previous killing game according to the file Monokuma had given everyone at the rollercoaster. Yes, Monokuma wasn’t the most reliable source, but it was all you had to go on! Unless… did Nagito know something he was telling anyone about?

“Why would Byakuya, a survivor of the killing school life, die in vain like he did at the very beginning…?” Nagito prodded. “Don’t you think it’s strange?”

“What does that mean!?” Fuyuhiko shouted.

“This issue is not with what he means!” Sonia said, asserting the authority of the Ultimate Princess. “Please take back what you said about Byakuya dying in vain!”

“Yeah!” Kazuichi interjected. “Listen to Miss Sonia…!”

“You have been acting very strange lately!” Sonia continued on. “I do not like this version of Nagito we have been witness to!”

“I don’t like ya either…” Akane grumbled. “Well, I never liked ya in the first place!”

“Aw… it looks like I’m being hated…” Nagito sighed, triggering your desire to step in.

“N-Nagito…” you said softly, unsure of how you could possibly defend him in this situation.

As much as you loved and wanted to protect him, you couldn’t deny that things he was saying were absolutely vile. He was talking about friends that you’d all witness the deaths of as though they were nothing more than dirt. Something was wrong here… there had to be something you weren’t seeing in all of this.

“Well, that’s understandable,” Nagito continued on, completely ignoring the gentle step forward you took towards him. “There’s no way you guys can even comprehend my suffering…. Knowing the truth… can be pretty painful in its own way.”

“The truth…? What truth…? What do you know?” Hajime pressed as you froze.

“Curious are you…?” Nagito chuckled. “But… why don’t I tell you guys after we’ve found out who the traitor is?”

“...Huh?” Hajime breathed.

“To tell you the truth, I still have figured out who the traitor is…” Nagito said before smiling. “But it won’t take me very long! You guys don’t have to worry… I’ll weed out the traitor, even if it costs me my life!”

Breath catching in your throat, you stared at Nagito with terror as a wheezy cackle escaped him. “Y-you’re going to weed out the traitor…?” Fuyuhiko questioned as you began panicking at the last part of Nagito’s words.

“You can’t mean that…” you whispered, fear evident in your voice. “Please say you aren’t serious!”

“Oh, I’m very serious!” Nagito smiled at you. “I’ll weed the traitor out no matter what the cost! And I wonder… if I’m able to wipe out all the despair on this island, will I…? Will I become the Ultimate Hope?”

“Ultimate Hope?” Hajime asked, more confused than ever.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Kazuichi scoffed. “Have you finally lost your damn mind?”

“Now then, I should get going,” Nagito said with a wave. “But if you see Monokuma again, there’s something I want you to tell him. Tell him… he doesn’t need to provide a motive anymore.”

“...Huh?” Hajime breathed.

“Tell him not to worry because I’m planning to go all out. Besides, the next one will probably be the last…”

“Nagito…” Chiaki asked carefully as your eyes widened. “What does that mean?”

“...Bye,” Nagito smiled before turning and walking away.

Eyes wide, you looked around at everyone else with terror. You wanted to rush after Nagito despite knowing it’d do no good in stopping him. But you also feared the implications and consequences it might lead to. He’d already locked you out of his cabin. So, if he really did know something that all of you didn’t and was actually planning to kill someone… was it safe to be rushing after him on your own? You wanted to believe that he’d never hurt you or anyone else. That this had to be some elaborate trick or lie.

As everyone spoke about the need to make a plan, you kept your wide eyes on the ground and repeatedly pinched yourself over and over again. Everywhere and anywhere you could reach… as hard as you could. But, no matter how many bruises you imprinted upon your body, you found yourself unable to wake up from this nightmare. So did that mean… it wasn’t all a terrible dream? This was really happening? You’d never felt so small and lost.

Visibly shaken, you looked up at whoever had just placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. It was Chiaki… everyone but her and Hajime had left while you’d been trapped in the spiral of fear and anxiety that was quickly overtaking you. Both of them stared at you with worry as you blinked back with scared, teary eyes. “He… I-I…” you managed to get out, face crumpling as you brought your hands up to hold your head. 

What had started out as a dull, throbbing headache now seemed to be piercing your head with every high pitched, sharp breath you struggled to inhale. Gently wrapping her arms around your shoulders, Chiaki led you to a seat at one of the stalls and helped you sit down. Each picking a spot beside you, both she and Hajime sat down and began doing their best to help you ride out the overwhelming wave of emotions. Neither of them were exactly the best when it came to comforting people and they were awkwardly struggling to figure out how they could help. But, at the end of the day, they knew that, sometimes, just being there was enough. And so they were.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you go to investigate Monomi's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a crazy month with work opening back up despite the pandemic still going strong, but I finally got another chapter done!

It was lonely as you trudged past the hotel pool and reflected upon just how quickly everything had changed. Even in the Fun House you’d at least felt as though the others might all still consider you a friend. But now… you weren’t sure. Were you to suddenly drop off the face of the earth, you doubted anyone other than maybe Hajime and Chiaki would actually care or even notice. If Kazuichi’s attempt at pushing you out and isolating you from the group had made anything clear, it was that your absence wouldn’t make much of a difference.

Hostility was something you had come to expect from Kazuichi at this point. No matter how much you’d done to show any lack of ill intentions, he was very quick to distrust and had always seemed especially cautious around you due to your closeness with Nagito. Not allowing you to be around for the discussion of his plan felt as though he was taking things to a whole new level though. You were just as confused and in the dark to Nagito’s plans as anyone else, but Kazuichi wouldn’t hear anything of it. You were too much of a liability who couldn’t be trusted. In short, you were a potential enemy. So, naturally, you were to be nowhere near the group as they worked out the details of how Nagito would be detained.

The others, Hajime and Chiaki especially, had tried to argue that this division from within was exactly what Monokuma and the mastermind wanted. Sonia had even tried to step in and speak on your behalf. Though, while he’d been a bit shaky in his rebuttal, Kazuich had stood firm on his stance. You couldn’t be trusted with this type of information and that was that. Wanting to avoid causing even more conflict among the group, you’d forced a smile and left to be on your own. You couldn’t help feeling rather isolated and useless though. You weren’t allowed to help trying to fix the issues at hand. And, even if you’d wanted to say something to Nagito, it wasn’t as though he’d have listened to you in the first place.

Nagito had made it abundantly clear he had no intention of talking about what he knew nor was he going to give you even the slightest bit of information on what he was planning. All of your pleas to rethink things had fallen upon deaf ears and he hadn’t budged on opening his cabin door while you’d shouted and banged on it from outside. If it hadn’t been for the slight specks and smears of pink you’d left behind, he probably would’ve had no idea that you’d hurt yourself in the process.

Honestly, it was only because Hajime and Chiaki had found you with your fists bloodied and bruising that you’d stopped in the first place. They’d been the ones to drag you off, make you tend to the wounds, and ice your hands. Hajime had also been the one who’d shown up at your cabin and practically dragged you out this morning. If it weren’t for the fact that he and Chiaki probably wouldn’t hesitate to do so again, you might’ve just headed back there for the day. But you didn’t want to make them waste their time and effort on you. They’d be busy with the plan and there was no point in giving Kazuichi any reason to think you were trying to take their attention away from that

So, without anything else to do, you forced yourself to walk from island to island, hoping in vain that maybe you’d all missed something in your previous scouring of them. There were a few places you found yourself more hesitant to visit than others. Mostly they consisted of the former crime scenes, but you also found yourself feeling especially nervous when it came to the fourth island. Maybe it was because of everything that had gone down in the Fun House. Or perhaps it was that there was still so much uncertainty surrounding it despite another island having opened up since.

Nobody had been into the castle and Monomi had deemed her living quarters off limits to everyone. Though… with everyone planning to capture Nagito and Nagito doing… whatever he was doing, maybe she might be busy enough with someone else at the moment to not notice if you took a quick peek inside. Even if you were caught in your snooping, Monokuma probably wouldn’t actually care if you went against one of Monomi’s rules. And you weren’t too terribly worried about Monomi punishing you. Maybe you were just too trusting but, even if she didn’t seem all that reliable or actually helpful with heavier situations, she always seemed to mean well enough. Despite what everyone else seemed to think and uncertainty of everything, you genuinely found Monomi to be on the opposing side of Monokuma. 

Steeling your nerves, you took a breath and began walking across the bridge to the fourth island. Reaching the end, you somehow felt even smaller against the empty amusement park than when everyone had first come to explore it. At least back then you’d all still been on a somewhat united front. Now it was like everything was … fractured and splintering apart more and more with each day. 

Catching sight of the dark bruises covering your hands, you let your mind wander to something other than the infighting of your friends. The bandages were a messy and hasty attempt at cleaning up the self inflicted injuries and your hands were much more swollen than they would’ve been had someone like Mikan still been around to help with icing and proper compression. Honestly, you wouldn’t have been surprised to find out you’d broken something, if not multiple bones, with how little range of motion you currently had. Not that you’d complain to anyone about it. Quite the opposite actually.

When Hajime had asked how you were feeling this morning you’d forced a smile and told him that, all things considered, you were alright. And when he’d asked about your hands, you’d lied and said that they looked a lot worse than they felt. You had barely been able to get dressed without breaking into tears and opening the door to your cabin to leave had been a whole other challenge. Just about everything that required fine motor skills to do you’d been accomplishing today through sheer force of will and clumsily making use of your arms, legs, and feet. It’d been frustrating but you’d made due with minimal collateral damage.

Turning, you began making your way over to Monomi’s house. Though, it was as you got closer that you noticed a familiar puff of fluffy white hair coming from the direction you were headed. What was Nagito doing here though? And what was up with the chest he was carrying? It was so pink and sparkly… undeniably something that would belong to Monomi. It seemed odd to take something so large though; surely she’d notice its disappearance almost immediately.

“Nagito?” you called softly, making him suddenly look up from the gaudy container he’d been so content with examining.

Spotting you, Nagito froze as his eyes widened. The two of you stood, staring at each other in an awkward and uncomfortable sort of stalemate. It wasn’t long before he recovered though, a soft smile spreading across his lips as he set the chest down. Taking in the intense stare now trained on you, you felt a chill run down your spine as he let out an airy chuckle.

“Well, this is awkward,” Nagito mused, scratching the back of his neck with one hand as he stuffed the other in his coat pocket and stepped towards you.

“What are you doing out here?” you asked, glancing from Nagito to the chest and back. “What’s in there?”

“I was really hoping this could wait,” Nagito sighed as he ignored your question, his words making you take a couple steps back as he continued forward. “I was actually hoping that we’d get to talk again first. But of course my luck would never allow such a thing.”

You didn’t particularly like the unwavering calmness Nagito was exuding as he approached you. And how he was now reaching out towards you, as though he was simply approaching to shake your hand despite his threatening words. He’d been very vocal about there being no need for a motive anymore and, as much as you wanted to trust him, both the words he was speaking and the current circumstances were leaving you suddenly feeling very uncomfortable and panicked.

Taking a few steps back to gain some distances between the two of you, you regarded Nagito with caution. “What are you talking about?” you asked, trying to keep you nerves at bay. “I-I’ve been trying to talk to you… and we’re talking right now. We can _continue_ talking if you’ll let us…”

“If only it were that easy,” Nagito lamented, continuing forward as he withdrew a small bottle and cloth from his pocket. Pausing, he seemed to think a moment before wheezing out a string of giggles and staring at you with a frightening gleam to his eyes. “But you know… we wouldn't have to go through all of this if you just come out as the traitor.”

“T-traitor…?” you asked, the hurt in your voice easily betraying you as you eyed the bottle with worry. “You don’t actually… believe I’d put everyone through all of this… do you?”

Staring at you and taking in the genuine hurt you were displaying, Nagito suddenly knew all he needed to. As amazing as he knew you were, you weren’t always the best at keeping your emotions in check. This was especially so around Nagito himself, you’d let down your walls too much, grown too comfortable in his presence. He had a way of bringing out your most genuine reactions whether he was trying to or not. Though, the way you so often wore your heart on your sleeve around him was something he’d always loved up until now. Now though… it was the thing he hated more than anything else. 

“No… I don’t,” Nagito shook his head. Glancing away, he opened the bottle and poured a generous amount of the anesthetic onto the cloth before meeting your eyes with a sad smile. “That’s the problem.”

Raising your arms into a defensive position, you prepared to start running as fast and far as your legs would carry you.That was your first mistake though. Yes, Nagito had known you’d hurt yourself while banging on his door. But he’d had no clue that your injuries would be so extensive. It hurt him to see that you’d done such damage to yourself but, at the same time, it would make things a lot easier with you unable to fight back as much. Maybe this turn of events was good luck after all.

Before you could even turn to run, Nagito dropped the bottle and made a quick dash forward that closed the distance between the two of you. Stumbling backward, you did your best to avoid both his grasp and the cloth that he was thrusting towards your face as you shouted for help. Though your shouts were cut short as you suddenly found Nagito’s weight bringing the both of you crashing to the ground as he lunged and tackled you.

With a sharp pain now shooting through one of your ankles as well as both your wrists, you did your best to struggle and fight back with all of your might. Mind racing, you found yourself coming up short in your attempts to think of anything that might get you out of this. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t the Nagito you knew… it couldn’t be!

“St-stop!” you cried, tears streaming down your face as you kicked and wildly flailed through the worsening pain.

“Our t-two hopes clashing l-like this!” Nagito gleefully spat back as he struggled to gain control. “Isn’t it w-wonderful, _____!? Beautiful even!?”

“Please Nagito!” you sobbed as you tried again to scream again. 

Your cries were quickly muffled though as Nagito managed to force the cloth over your mouth and nose. Refusing to breathe, you continued struggling and trying to land any sort of hit you could on him. You wouldn’t go down… not without a fight! Swinging an arm towards his head, time seemed to slow as you suddenly found your wrist being caught in Nagito’s free hand. Pain erupting from the sudden contact alone, you quickly tried to pull away from his hold as he tightened his grasp. 

**_SNAP!_ **

Eyes widening, you involuntarily gasped and let out muffled shriek as Nagito held your now definitely broken wrist. Tears freely flowed as you looked at him in shock and terror, a slight look of shock in his own eyes before the crazed glee took back over his own gaze. Smile widening, he watched as your eyes quickly glazed over and began drooping. You were clearly trying to fight the effects as much as you could… the increasingly weak struggles, muffled attempts at words, and pleading gleam still shining through your hazy expression were proof enough of that. But, in the end, it was pointless with how strongly the cloth had been dosed. 

Lifting the cloth, Nagito rolled off from atop you, gently wiped the tears from your eyes, and began lifting you into his arms as your breathing slowed. “N-Nnagito…” you slurred.

“Shh,” he smiled softly, standing up and carrying you over to the roller-coaster. “I’m going to fix everything.”

“N-nnnoo…” you whimpered, your mumbles becoming weaker and quieter with each tiny struggle you managed.

“It’s going to be okay,” Nagito cooed, laying a gentle kiss on your forehead as your world faded to black. “Just wait, you’ll see. I won’t let you down, my hope!”

Kneeling, Nagito gently laid you in the shadows beneath the deck of the roller-coaster. It was somewhere nobody would normally poke around and you’d be safe from harm's way for the time being. He’d be back long before you awoke anyway; he couldn't leave you out of the fun when you had such an important role in his plan after all. For now he’d have to finish setting all the pieces… well that and do away with your pesky student handbook. It really would be troublesome if it broadcast your location to the others; hiding it among the books in the library would work well enough for now.

Taking the electronic handbook and allowing himself to enjoy another glance at the peaceful expression on your face, Nagito couldn’t help but wince at the sight of your wrist. Your hand, which was already obscenely swollen and incredibly discolored, was bent to the side in a position that no functioning wrist should’ve allowed for. He honestly hadn’t meant to be so rough. All he’d been aiming for was grabbing and squeezing your hand with enough force to elicit a gasp. But the next thing he’d known… that sickening snap had echoed around the two of you. He felt nauseous just thinking about it. Oh well… it was done and over now. He’d just make sure you were as comfortable as possible once he came back for you. It was the least he could do for your final days together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As far as I'm concerned; if the student handbook can be to find people for free time events and such, I can use that function as a plot device ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which your looking for a certain servant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to write for Hope's Expectations this last week but hit a block and needed some self endulgence because of how rough the last week was. And this was a really fun chapter to write! Hope you all enjoy!

Today! Today!! Toooooday! Finally, it was the day you’d be reunited with your special someone! Well… technically you two weren’t supposed to be meeting up with each other again for another few days. But what could be more despair inducing than an unexpected bump in the road with such an important plan? With this thought in mind, you’d disappeared from the other Remnants radars after finishing your own and managed to sneak into Towa City a little bit before the Warriors of Hope had started their fun. And what fun it was!

Piles of rubble and corpses littered the streets you skipped along! Smoke and blood intermingled in the air you inhaled! And a chorus of screaming adults could be heard for miles! These kids really knew how to bring the house down! Now all you had to do was find Servant and the party could really get started!

Servant would be so surprised to see you! It’d been a while since the two of you had been allowed anywhere near each other. Things tended to get a little… heated when the two of you were within reach of each other and that never lent itself all too well to missions. So the other Remnants had taken to making sure that, whenever possible, you were never assigned to be in the same area as him. The long distances were a real pain and the waiting was even worse. It was absolutely torturous and both of you lived for it. 

But you’d had some work done fairly recently and Servant had had to leave before you’d fully recovered. You were so excited for him to see the new you! This was the you that made you want to vomit and break down sobbing every time that you looked in the mirror. And the outfit you’d worn, so revealing and form fitting… as though it were sewn just to accentuate all the things you hated most about yourself! Finally, you embodied the femininity that Junko had always pushed you towards. You’d never hated yourself more. Servant would surely go mad to see you in such despair! Well, he would if you could make it to him alive.

Coming to a sudden halt, you grinned and waved at the group of children who were now staring you down from across the street. They were all so cute, standing over a freshly mangled corpse with their matching outfits. You almost wished that you could join them in their fun. But, from the way they all started approaching you with their weapons raised in the air and eerie giggling echoing from within their Monokuma masks, you figured they might not want you to cut in on their good time. 

“Kill the demon!” one of the rugrats shouted with glee as the other cheered in agreement. 

“How cruel... didn’t your parents ever teach you any manners?” you pouted before nimbly dodging the metal bat one of the children swung at you and glancing at the nearby body. “Hm… I guess that might be a sensitive subject right now…”

Smile returning, you quickly jumped back and climbed up a street light post that was, miraculously, still standing and out of harm’s way. Looking down from atop your perch, you let out an amused hum as the tiny mob began shaking the post. Such boundless and defiant energy… oh to be so young and carefree again!

“You’re really giving me the shakedown here, kiddos!” you chuckled. “I have someone I’m desperately trying to meet up with... but I guess I can spare some time to play a little game with all of you! Maybe... tag or hide and seek?”

A unanimous cheer erupted from the children below as the kids began shaking the post even harder. Taking the loud moans and creaks that were now emitting from the post as your queue, you sprung into the air and managed to stick a slightly shaky yet still decent landing. Akane would be glad to know that your practicing was paying off. Looking back, you grinned and gave a small salute to the shorties that were already making their way towards you. “Tag it is!”

Like a bullet, you were off as you made sure to head in the general direction you were fairly certain you’d find Servant in. Left, right, down the road, and all the way around again! You were having the time of your life as you ran from the amassing group of weaponized children. It was almost as though you were leading your very own parade! Though, you did find yourself wishing more and more that you might actually shake the brats and find where the Warriors of Hope had set up their base of operations. Hm… maybe you could make use of one of the many gorges that had formed within the city?

Smile widening, you headed straight for the nearest gorge as you entered a mad sprint and leapt at the very last second. Gliding across the gap, you felt a sort of calm wash over you. There was no losing in this situation. There was no losing in this situation. If you made it across, you’d be one step closer to seeing Servant again. And if you didn’t? The despair you’d feel as you plummeted to your doom would be absolutely unspeakable!

Closer and closer you flew to the other side as the calm turned into more of a groggy haze. What was this? It was as though you were being lifted from your body and losing any sense of joy you’d been feeling. Suddenly… everything about this scene felt wrong… it was all so morbid and frightening. Why would you have been joyful about any of this? 

...Wait. What had you been doing again? A deep, unyielding pain began to consume you as your sense of awareness became muddled and fuzzy. Everything hurt and your mouth was bone dry yet filled with an absolutely disgusting taste at the same time. You could hardly remember anything and it felt as though your head was about to explode. Your stomach was churning as an acidic bile threatened to rise in your throat. You felt somewhere between awake and asleep; it was as though you were waking from a deep sleep but also might pass out at any moment without fully coming to.

Forcing your eyes open, you slowly blinked and tried to take in your surroundings. It was fairly dark but the dim lighting from an electric lantern a few feet off was just enough to make out someone walking about and making a horrible sound with some sort of long instrument they were scrapping on the ground. The sound only seemed to worsen your already throbbing headache. But it wasn’t as though you could just make them stop; you were hardly even able to mentally form a cohesive string of words much less speak them coherently. And you weren’t even sure who the person was… with the low angle you were staring from, the only details you could really make out were from their knees down and even those were hard to grasp in your current mental state.

“Mmm-nngh…” you managed to get out in a pitiful groan, cringing how loudly your small voice echoed inside of your head.

It’d seemed to have been enough though; the silhouette of a person suddenly paused and turned towards you, their majority of them still obscured in shadows as they began to softly approach you. Squirming away slightly, you began to slowly realize that you were laying atop an air mattress that seemed to have an overabundance of pillows all surrounding you. Trying to move and better the angle you were staring from, you immediately stopped trying to move and let out a pained moan from the sharp pain that suddenly shot through your wrist. Not only were you unable to move from the pain though; your wrists and ankles were both tightly bound with rope. Fear began pooling in your stomach at the vague awareness that you were in danger

Reaching you, the silhouette knelt and finally allowed their face to be revealed as he went to move some of the many pillows you were drowning in. Gentle smile on his face, Nagito crawled into the small opening he’d made and laid down so that the two of you were face to face. A terrifying quiet rested in the air as you took in his calm features and he soaked in your groggy gaze. 

“Hello, my hope,” Nagito cooed sweetly, bringing a hand up and cupping your cheek. “I didn’t expect you to wake up again so soon…”

Eyes heavy, you blinked as you tried to comprehend what your boyfriend was saying. It was hard though. Everything hurt so much and your mind still felt so hazy. You had no idea where you were or how you’d even gotten there. What the hell had happened to have you feeling so miserable?

“Wh-whaaaa…?” you slurred before trailing off and nuzzling into his touch.

Nagito’s touch was so soft and… comforting. It couldn’t take away all of the pain you were feeling, but it was a distraction that radiated a sense of safety. It took away the knot that had tied itself in your stomach and left you feel at ease. Not questioning anything and submitting to such luxuries sounded nice. You were tired of always feeling so scared… drained from trying so hard… exhausted with fighting the inevitable

“So sweet,” Nagito sighed lovingly. “If only we could stay like this forever...”

But Nagito couldn’t. As much as he’d loved to never have to leave your side, he knew what he had to do was so much more important. Even if you couldn’t understand right now… you would soon enough. Everything was almost in place. Then he could explain everything. You’d see the hope he was working towards and understand that this was all for the best. Even if the others managed to solve the mystery and survive all of this… even if nobody outside of Jabberwock Island ever learned of his efforts; he’d get to show you just how much hope you’d bestowed upon him and maybe even become the Ultimate Hope in your eyes. 

Placing a gentle kiss on your forehead, Nagito pulled away and sat up with a sigh. His heart clenched at the scared whimper you emitted at the loss of his touch, but he had to stay strong. Doing his best to ignore your cries of pain, he gently lifted you up and sat you against a pillar near the makeshift bed he’d set up for you. Maybe he was being overly cautious, but it’d been worrisome to find you fading in and out of consciousness when he’d first come back for you. This was the longest you stayed awake; all the other times had been nothing more than you opening your eyes for a moment only to succumb to the effects of the anesthetic moments later. It was clear that said effects were beginning to wear off and he couldn’t chance you waking up and wanting to leave when he was already so busy. 

Your absence hadn’t gone unnoticed by the others. Hajime and Chiaki had both voiced their concerns of not being able to find you since breakfast and, after the explosion, Kazuichi had been adamant in his belief that you’d warned Nagito of their forming a plan to catch him. Nagito hadn’t exactly confirmed or denied the accusations, but he certainly hadn’t offered any help on where you might be either. 

Applying a new dose of anesthesia to a clean cloth, Nagito glanced at you... your head lolling to the side as you struggled to keep your eyes open. If only you’d use that seemingly endless drive. You looked so tired… a little rest would help. Lifting the cloth, he gently pressed it to your face and chuckled as you weakly tried to remove your face from his hold. Unable to even understand what was happening, you weakly mumbled and pointlessly tried to move away from the offending object as Nagito brought his free hand up and held your head in place.

Eyes rolling back and body going limp, you suddenly found yourself fading back into darkness. Farther and farther you fell into its depth. And the further you went, the more you felt yourself returning to the horrid world from before. Before you even knew it, you were relishing in the despair that overtook as you barely missed your target landing spot and were left dangling above your impending doom. Trying to pull yourself up, you were suddenly stopped by a group of children that had been lying in wait as they approached and began stomping on your hands. 

Pain coursed through your hands and wrists as their tiny feet beat down upon you. Surely this had to be the final moments before you’d meet your demise! What was worse, you’d been so close to seeing Servant again… you’d even made it to the same city he was in and everything! The only thing that stood between it all ending in an instant and drawing it out was how much you struggled and fought against it. And, surely, the more effort you put into avoiding death, the more despair inducing it would be! This must have been similar to the final despair Junko had felt!

“Hm? Have you all found a new toy?” a voice called out cheerfully. “May I see?”

Grumbling, the children stopped their merciless mangling of your hands and stepped aside. How you’d even held on this long was beyond you, but that didn’t matter now. Breath catching, you felt your heart flutter at the appearance of a familiar pair of grey-green eyes peering down at you.

“Servant!” you chirped.

“What have we here?” Servant cooed with surprised amusement as he took in your face. “A truly deplorable demon if I’ve ever seen one.”

“Only if that’s what you want me to be,” you winked with a smirk.

Licking his chapped lips, Servant considered you for a quick moment before letting out a small sigh and turning to the children. “This is a special breed of demon; the others will surely wish to see it.”

Murmurs and excited whispers rippled through the group as they came back over and hoisted you up. Now out of immediate danger, you quickly latched onto Servant with a needy ferver. Shaking you off, he only offered you a cold glare before roughly grabbing your arm and informing the children that he’d see that he’d deliver you to the Warriors of Hope so that they might decide your fate. Dragging you off, he quickly led you into an abandoned building and forcefully pushed you against a wall. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” Servant said in a low voice, both his breath and hair tickling you as he leaned forward and got close enough to whisper so that, were anyone listening, you were the only one who could hear him. “It’s distracting.”

“I missed you,” you softly offered, a chill running down your spine at the euphoria of being so close. “And I brought you a present~”

“A present?” Servant asked as he pulled back with confusion. “Why would you bother getting trash like me anything?”

“Think of it as a belated birthday gift,” you responded, reaching into a pocket and retrieving a small object from it.

Hands shaking and in pain, you weakly reached past _her_ hand and took Servant’s in your own. Turning it over so it was palm up, you placed the object and closed his hold around it. Letting go, you watched as Servant curiously lifted his hand and opened it. Eyes widening, he stared at the silver ring emblazoned with the unmistakable crest.

“You're giving me this…? Is it... really okay to accept this…?”

“I scoured the remains of Hope’s Peak for it,” you nodded. “But if you don’t want it-!”

Slipping the ring on and hungrily grabbing you, Servant quickly cut you off with a hungry kiss; it was rare for the two of you to have such an intimate moment without things getting heated rather quickly and this time was no different. Even with your hands beaten and battered, you did your best to return the needy actions of your partner. The despair brought on by Servant’s eyes roaming your figure and devouring your new curves was more than you could have ever imagined. And hearing your desperate pleads to let you stay only added to his own despair. How could he turn you away when you’d traveled all this way just for scum like him?

Having arrived at the Warriors of Hope’s base, the two of you were both surprised and pleased when Monica declared you could become the official pet of Warriors of Hope. So what if you had to crawl around on all fours and never allow your aching hands a chance to heal? And you’d suffered much worse than being forced to wear a collar that was constantly being used to choke and yank you around on an unbelievably short leash. Eating nothing but kibble and disgusting combinations of table scraps was honestly a more consistent source of food than you’d had in while. Sleeping in a cramped kennel also wasn’t the worst thing in the world either.

The unnecessarily revealing puppy outfit Kotoko had demanded you wear was just another day of the dysphoria fueled self hatred you’d already been consumed by in despair. Having to learn tricks had even become a sort of stand in for your training with Akane. Being hit and kick if you dared to speak in anything other than barks, yips, and other dog-like sounds had been easy enough to adapt to. Becoming house broken…? Well, you could hold it for long until you were forced to endure a scolding and punishment from Masaru over having had an accident despite no one ever taking you outside or allowing you into a bathroom. But you survived and made due. Honestly, the biggest blow of all the requirements had been Monica deciding that you and Servant were never allowed to be less than five feet apart had been a major blow to the two of you. The despair brought on by always being in sight yet ever out of reach was one of the most exquisitely tortuous things you’d ever experienced. 

It really was odd to relish in such painful and hopeless circumstances. The longer you stayed in them, the further and more detached they felt. You shouldn’t have been taking pleasure in any of this. What about any of this was cause for enjoyment? Why would you willingly live like this? Something was wrong. But why did it all feel so… familiaR? Whe E wRrre y? whhhHhO wEe

eEe o000oOU? wh…’s g...iNg on? w atT iIiis thIs?

tTTTttTtsssssS

sSSsssss thhhh... ...st. ...st me...i...s 

...What...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UDG is so great guys, WoH are my babies and I will fight anyone who tries to hurt these kiddos (except Monica, she can stay in space for all I care.)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Nagito starts to explain himself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HGFJHFJHFGJHFJFGDSFDSFDS I'm so sorry for how long this update took! Writers block hit me real hard, work has been crazy, and I've admittedly been pretty distracted by P5R lately. But it's finally here and I tried to make it a decent sized chapter too! Hope you all enjoy <3

_Hope and despair… two completely opposite philosophies that were continually clashing with each other. They were as intertwined as the concepts of good and evil; one couldn’t exist without the other despite both being set on doing away with each other. Often, people would use them as justifications and excuses for acting the way they did. Such fanatics often turned themselves into martyrs and terrorists in the name of their blind faith of these ideals. It was frightening to realize such abstract concepts could be one’s driving force and sole ideology._

_Before the occurrence of The Tragedy you’d never considered yourself to be entirely on one side or the other. There were plenty of days where you’d done your best to be happy and hopeful towards your life, but there’d been just as many where you were depressed and close to giving up on everything. But then you had been deemed an Ultimate and become one of the faces for the country’s hope._

_You’d gotten the title based on your accomplishments and natural abilities towards volunteer work. The Ultimate Volunteer… it was uncomfortable to be looked upon and spoken of with such high praise since you’d never set out with the intent of getting attention or had the desire for thanks; you’d just wanted to live a normal life while helping others who were in need. But everything you did ended up resulting in unprecedented gain and long lasting prosperity for the causes you worked for. The title had been attached to you at a fairly young age by a local journalist and had stuck around due to the article having taken off._

_There were plenty of people who sang your praises but also those who pointed out how self-serving such a title was. You were personally inclined to agree with the latter but were quick to buckle to the pressure of your parents and organization heads. To be an Ultimate was a guaranteed path to success and, besides, it was bound to draw more attention to the causes you were helping. Why would you give up such an opportunity? It was a win-win and would be selfish to do such a disservice to all of the people you could help. And thus began the inescapable scrutiny of the public eye._

_Never allowed to go out without worrying about someone posting about it and having every aspect about you picked apart by total strangers. Never allowed to do anything to make you more comfortable with yourself lest you wanted the critical eyes analyze and surmise their own opinions. Even if you had felt confident enough to come out and let your family and friends know how you truly felt about yourself, it would inevitably have gotten out and leave you far too vulnerable to those who didn’t even know you. And, besides the overwhelming fear you felt towards others rejecting you, you couldn’t deny the very real possibility that any contempt for yourself could be easily associated with the programs and organizations you stood by. You couldn’t and wouldn’t be so selfish as to hurt those who were already in need of help._

_In comparison to the rigorous standards and conditions you held yourself to in public, the halls of Hope’s Peak Academy were almost like a vacation of sorts. The media wasn’t allowed on the campus and there were so many others who out shined you in so many ways that you could occasionally breathe easy and not have to worry about all eyes being on you. You’d almost begun to feel normal as you sat in classes and did your best to ignore the discomfort you felt over the girl’s uniform you were required to wear. But then you’d become acquainted with Nagito Komaeda and everything seemed to turn on its head._

_It’d started out just trying to help Nagito stop speaking so lowly of himself and have more self-confidence. But he’d been so kind and had a strange way of drawing you in with. You’d never met anyone like him; someone with such strongly rooted beliefs and unending passion towards his ideals. It was true that he generally waved himself off as in the way and undeserving of being around Ultimates in the first place; but he never wavered in his views on hope and its importance. Hope was his driving force and the more you spent time around him, the more that philosophy began to rub off on you. It was nice to have something to believe in and strive towards._

_The appreciation for hope wasn’t the only thing that Nagito had imparted upon you though. As your admiration and fondness for him grew, so did the insecurities you felt. The fear that he could never like the real you… that he’d be disgusted and hate you should he ever find out. Then there was the lack of confidence that he’d ever reciprocate your feelings in the first place. The girls in class were so beautiful and comfortable in their femininity… how could you ever compete with any of them or the other girls at Hope’s Peak? And, even if he did like you… there was no sure way of knowing that he’d feel that way towards someone of the same gender. Such feelings and dreams would never bear fruit… you knew that much was true. So you stuck to the role of friend and continued to do you best in helping both Nagito and anyone else you could._

_As the year had gone by, you found that your classmates were slowly becoming your friends due to the efforts of Nanami. Before too long, you all felt more like a found family of sorts than a class. Even if you were still too scared to tell them the truth about yourself and try living a more genuine life, you were all happy to have found each other. It seemed as though nothing could go wrong with everyone by your side. And then Junko Enoshima entered your life._

\---

**...kkkkKkkKkkkkkkkKK...**

A distant voice seemed to be calling out to you. It was strangely broken and mechanical though, as though the audio in a movie had malfunctioned but the player was trying its best anyway. But, for all the effort the player or whoever was speaking was giving, you still couldn’t actually make out anything of value; just random sounds stringing together to make a garbled mess of incomprehensible noise in a sea of static and feedback.

**...upPppPuuuuUupPPPPPpp...**

Closer… the voice was definitely getting closer. But with each step it took forward, you found yourself wanting to take two back. Your head hurt so much and the voice was only serving to worsen the pounding within it. However, it wasn’t as though you could call out and ask whoever it was to stop. Not only were you wary of creating more noise, but your throat felt raw and stung as though it’d been coated in acid. And the vile taste in your mouth… if your stomach hadn’t already been churning, then that surely would’ve caused it to start doing so.

“ _...ing to be okay…”_

Another voice? This one sounded a lot closer than the other voice though. Where the first person sounded weirdly echoey and distant, this person sounded as though they could be right next to you. Maybe they were the cause of the soft, rhythmic circles being rubbed into your back? Honestly, it was hard for you to even consciously acknowledge the attempt at comforting you over the pain that raked through your body as you felt yourself retch and spill the contents of your stomach. 

Forcing your eyes open, you blinked through the hot tears running down your face as more bile made its way up. Coughing, you tried to catch your breath once you found a pause in your body’s attempts to expel whatever had left you in such a miserable state. What was going on? Where were you?

“That’s it,” a soft voice cooed, the owner doing their best to keep you in an upright position and offer some sort of comfort as they supported you over a toilet. “Let it all out.”

Raising your head slightly, you turned your gaze enough to make out the owner of the voice. “N-Nagito…?” you mumbled in a hoarse voice as you weakly trembled.

Offering a soft smile, Nagito rested you against himself with one arm while using the other to flush the toilet and grab a small bit of toilet paper. “Finally waking up?” he hummed as he gently dabbed the now scrunched wad of paper to the corners of your mouth. “That’s good. I was beginning to get worried!”

“Wha-”

“The others are getting really impatient with you having disappeared for so long,” Nagito cut you off, flicking the soiled tissue into the bowl and reaching for something out of your range of sight.

Bringing his hand back to where you could see it, you suddenly found yourself instinctively leaning as far into Nagito’s touch as possible while he tenderly laid a damp washcloth across your forehead. The cool water did nothing to sooth overwhelming pains and aches that filled your body, but it was doing well enough at somewhat distracting you from how overheated and sweaty you’d become while getting sick. And that was surely better than nothing.

“Hajime and Chiaki have been especially annoying about it… snooping around your cabin and trying to make me let them in mine,” Nagito sighed, taking your good hand into his own and tracing soft circles into. “It’s good that nobody’s thought to check the motel yet.”

Motel? Did Nagito mean the rooms that the rest of your classmates had stayed in while Fuyuhiko, Mikan, Hajime, and you had been caring for those overcome with the despair disease? It was possible… but you didn’t have time to dwell on that. No, you were too caught up in the realization that Nagito was now taking away your one sense of comfort. 

“N-no…!” you whimpered, too weak to even try to stop Nagito as he pulled the washcloth away from you. 

“Hm?” Nagito paused, before chuckling. “So needy… and towards utter trash like-! N-no… I shouldn’t be so flattered.” 

Dipping the cloth in a container of cool water resting on the floor beside the two of you, Nagito coldly ignored your cries of pain as he readjusted the two of you so that he was sitting against a wall as he held you to his chest. You would have blushed had you been lucid enough to make sense of any of it; but all you cared about in that moment was how much everything hurt and gaining some sort of relief to it all. 

Pulling the container closer, Nagito slightly wrung out the cloth and brought it back up to you. Relaxing ever so slightly as he draped the cloth back over your forehead, you tried to make some sort of sense of what he’d just said. Nagito felt like he shouldn’t be flattered? Given the circumstances and the state you were in, that would’ve been a rational line of thought for most. But Nagito wasn’t like most other people… he seemed to feel that even the smallest acts of kindness or affection were more than he could ever deserve. Even a smile in his direction usually sent him into a spiral of self-deprecating comments. And why had his tone changed so suddenly? It was like a switch had flipped and taken any warmth from his voice with it. It was an out of character shift that left you feeling even more uncomfortable than before.

“It’s almost time to get going,” Nagito sighed, bowing his head and burying his face in the crook of your neck.

Taking a few breaths, Nagito tried to allow himself one last moment of holding you close without thinking about anything to do with despair and the sacrifice the two of you would soon be making in the name of hope. Even if your breathing was uneven and you were clearly feeling far more discomfort than he’d ever meant or wanted to cause you through this whole process… even if the two of you had given way to despair in some long since forgotten time… even if he knew that he deserved you less than ever; he longed a final moment of closeness before heading off to the warehouse. 

Trembling ever so slightly, Nagito forced himself to swallow the stupid lump in his throat and did his best to hold back that tears that were threatening to spill. He wouldn’t let himself shed a single tear over any of this; not when he knew that he was doing this for the very concept of hope itself and that it was the only way to even come close to atoning for the atrocities everyone on Jabberwock Island had committed. He wouldn’t give way to the fear building in his chest and he wouldn’t let the heartbreaking pain on your face sway him. Once he explained everything, you would surely understand all of this as well.

Lifting his head, Nagito looked up with a sense of resolve and went to work. Not even flinching at the pained cries you emitted, he readjusted you to be carried bridal style as he stood up. With long, unwavering strides, the two of you were soon outside and making the journey to the warehouse. A groan escaped you as you quickly screwed your eyes shut to escape the all too bright sunlight that had suddenly entered your world, but Nagito paid it no mind as he continued his brisk pace without even bothering to shut the door behind him. He’d have to be quick if the two of you were to make it without any of the others catching sight.

Reaching the fifth island, Nagito made a quick beeline for the warehouse and hurried inside as he surveyed the area to make sure nobody was around to see. Letting out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, he smiled as the door clicked shut behind him. Everything that was needed was already in place here, he just needed to get you in place and the show could finally begin.

“I know this must all seem rather confusing and scary right now,” Nagito said in an airy tone as he carried you to the back of the room and sat you atop a wooden chair he’d placed against the wall. Kneeling and lifting some rope from the ground, he quickly went to work; binding your wrists with little regard to how the tightly tied knots caused you to shriek in pain as they constricted and chafed against your already broken wrist and hurt ankle. “But it will all be worth it in the end, my hope!”

“Please stop!” you cried, a bit of lucidity managing to break through the foggy, pain driven delirium of your mind as Nagito moved on and bound your ankles despite what little fight you managed to give him. “Why are you doing this!?”

“Why…?” Nagito uttered before looking up and staring at you as he tried to choose his words.. 

Rising ever so slightly to be at eye level with you, Nagito smiled as he looked past the obvious pain and fear on your face so that he could focus solely on the light that he still found to be shimmering deep within your eyes. “Say you found something out, _____,” he said, raising a hand and softly brushing away some of your tears. “Something that made you realize you and everyone around you had betrayed the very idea of hope itself. Those that were supposed to be the face of hope and uphold its values for others… committing atrocious act after atrocious act. You’d want to atone for such vile sins, wouldn’t you?”

“Wh-what are you-!?” you sobbed, only to have Nagito continue on before you could truly make sense of any of what he was saying.

“So that’s what we’re doing,” Nagito smiled, standing up and stepping away to set up the rest of the room as he spoke. “The two of us are going to make the ultimate sacrifice to bring the traitor out of hiding and rid the world of those who would relish in despair at the same time.”

“...Despair?” you parroted back, pain and confusion lacing your voice as you tried to figure out why the word seemed to feel so eerily familiar.

Monokuma had thrown the term around countless times throughout this whole ordeal. But something about it was suddenly feeling incredibly important and ominous. It was like you were forgetting something that was on the tip of your tongue. If only you could push past your pain and think clearly.

“Despair,” Nagito confirmed, finishing up with his domino line of Monokuma standees. “It’s such a disgusting thing… to think that even the two of us fell to it…”

Blinking, you took in Nagito’s words as everything seemed to fall away for a moment. The two of you…? Nagito and you had fallen to despair? As in the despair disease? But what did that have to do with anything? And, even if that wasn’t what he was referring to, what did he mean by saying that the two of you were going to act as sacrifices? Nothing he was saying made sense. None of this made any se-!

_Smoke and rubble… crying and screaming… ruined cities… blood spattering across the ground as giggles and cheers ring out…_

Trying to catch your breath, you suddenly found yourself gasping and breaking into cold sweat at the broken images that were slowly surfacing in your mind. What was all of this? It all seemed like something you’d see in a post-apocalyptic movie but felt somehow familiar. It was as though you’d seen these terrifying scenes before, almost like you’d experienced and traversed through them first hand. All of it felt far too real and… personal.

“Wha-what… what was that?” you whimpered, your breath catching as a familiar giggle echoed in your head.

_Puhuhuhu!_

It was similar to when Monokuma would laugh in a seemingly innocent and childlike way… but it definitely wasn’t his voice. This voice was much more human and feminin than that of the mechanical bear’s… it almost sounded as if it were taking on a babyish tone as well. More than anything though, it sent an uncomfortable chill down your spine.

_Think of it as a gift from me, to you~!_

Training your eyes on the ground, you mind reeled and tried to catch up as memory after memory suddenly came rushing back. Days spent at Hope's Peak Academy with all of your friends… time spent with Nagito as the two of you kept your feelings for each other hidden and buried within yourselves. Chiaki bringing everyone closer only for you to have it all thrown into jeopardy after befriending _Junko Enoshima_ . The tragedy and death of Chiaki that led to your class becoming the Remnants of Despair. So… so many horrible things you’d all committed as the Remnants. Learning about the plan presented by _Izuru Kamakura_. The feelings you’d had at being told you would have no recollection at your time spent with Nagito and the others once the plan was enacted. It was all so… so… deliciously despair inducing. 

Smile curling upwards as you looked up, a small laugh escaped your lips. Nagito, already in front of you with a mixture of worry and curiosity on his face, took in your new expression as you met eyes with him and smiled wider. Disappointment and disgust quickly overtook him at the realization that the hope he’d come to expect from your stare was no longer there. All that remained was a demented glee intermingling with your pain and suffering. It was as though you were a completely different person.

“Such a hateful stare…” you breathed through the groggy haze that was slowly lifting from you, blushing and squirming excited with the ropes that restrained you. Moaning at the pain that shot through your wrist, you winced as a giggled escaped you. Locking eyes with Nagito, you bit your bottom lip and smirked through your tears. “You must’ve been playing pretty rough with me too, huh? And tying me up like this so I can’t fight back? You’ve got in store for me then? How cruel… you shouldn’t have, Servant~”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was kinda hesitant to actually specify reader-chan's talent. But screw ambiguity, I guess?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you feel your ultimate despair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a looooong, angsty, graphic, and generally heavy as heck chapter. Happy spooky month, I guess?

Death and losing loved ones… nobody is able to escape the fact that these concepts will undoubtedly eventually become a part of their life. Perhaps it’s a pet or relative that first introduced one to it, maybe even a friend. Either way, everyone inevitably learns what it is to lose someone to death. Nagito was one of those who’d come to know these concepts earlier in life than others, even if he couldn’t quite recall all of the names on it. His childhood pet… his parents… and a class representative that brought everyone around her closer. He’d always suspected you would be added to the list far too early in life, though he’d have been lying if he’d said that he always knew it would be by his hand while he followed after you not far behind. Though, depending on how you looked at it, he’d already lost you before the life ever had a chance to leave your body. After all, this wasn’t really you, not anymore anyway. 

Where hope had once shone in your eyes, only a crazed gleam remained. Your soft, kind tones were now replaced with condescending teasing and sickeningly gleeful flirtations. Body language that had once exposed how shy and contemplative you could be was now needy and far more forward than ever before. And your sweet smile… a sight that had once caused Nagito to feel his heart speed up; it was now twisted and mixed with unending pain. Everything that made you… you was gone; a love of despair and delight in suffering having snuffed out the hope and soft kindness that had emanated so brightly from you up until your memories had come back to you. He’d be lying if he said he wouldn’t have preferred the apathetic, numbness you’d displayed back in the Fun House to this.

“You’re going to kill me, aren’t you?”

The words fell from your lips with an almost giddy glee to them, as though confirmation of such a thought was the best news you could ever receive. It was so far removed from all of the fear, hurt, and anger you’d been expressing up until now that Nagito wasn’t sure quite how to respond at first. His gut reaction was to coil away from hearing from such words coming from your mouth, true as they may have been. But, at the same time, the absolute disgust he felt towards your current disposition left him wishing to get on with things more than ever.

Before, this plan had been purely for the sake of hope itself; a way to rid the world of despair and repent for the atrocities everyone on Jabberwock Island had committed. But, with your current state of mind, ending your life could also be seen as an act of mercy as well. The hope filled version of you… the real you, whom Nagito had come to love and care so deeply for, would never have wanted to end up this way. Surely you’d have rather been dead than give into despair. He was doing this for your sake just as much as anything else and you’d have wanted him to take peace in that fact; that much he could say without doubt.

“Being killed by the person I love and trust more than anyone else…” you breathed as you closed your eyes and shuddered at that euphoria inducing despair coursing through you. “I can hardly believe how cruel life can be sometimes.”

Licking your lips and squirming with a needy ferver, you opened your eyes and looked up at Nagito with anticipation. Had it not been for the tight restriction of the ropes tied around your wrists and ankles, there was no doubt that you’d have long since latched onto him and initiated one of the heated exchanges the two of you had become so accustomed to in the clutches of despair. 

Other than the Fun House, how long had it been since the two of you had even kissed? At least since you’d been ordered out of Towa City.  _ You’d been half dead from the abuse you’d taken as the Warriors of Hope’s pet and it had been well over three days since they’d left you without food or water, chained to a post outside of their base that Jataro had painted to look like Monokuma. It was supposedly so that you could try to prove your worth as a guard dog but, if Monica was being honest, it had been more that she’d grown bored with you. All you’d really done was give the other Warriors another thing to abuse when an outlet was needed and distracted Servant with the “icky” looks you two had constantly gave each other. And, with almost all of the other Warriors having fallen, why bother playing a game she'd no longer been enjoying? _

_ Servant was supposed to come by to fetch you as soon as he’d finished with his duties and told Monica that he would be leaving. Though you’d honestly begun to wonder if he was ever coming back; perhaps he had either died or decided to abandon you to die. Such despairful thought had been circling your mind when you’d suddenly noticed a shadowy figure approaching you. Growling, you’d done your best to appear intimidating in your exhausted state. Even still being on all fours, in a filthy and all too revealing puppy costume, visibly malnourished, and clearly injured; you’d refused to appear weak to the approaching stranger. What kind of guard dog would you have been if you’d backed down from one of the demons your masters hated so fiercely? _

_ “You were never assigned to come here…” the figure had said, their tone unfeeling as they'd gotten close enough to start making out their features. _

_ Long, dark hair, pale skin, a simple black suit, and two piercing, red eyes. There’d been no mistaking him. Yipping excitedly, you’d scrambled towards Izuru Kamakura only to get harshly yanked back by your leash going taut. “ _ **_Puhuhuhu!_ ** _ ” the post had echoed as it’d begun mechanically reeling the chain. Choking, you’d grasped at the collar that was suddenly crushing your wind pipe as it mercilessly pulled you back towards the post. If the many wounds you’d recently been given by passing bands of masked children hadn’t already left your body bruised and bloodied enough as it was, then the painful scrapes and gashes the ground and rubble you were being dragged over surely would’ve made up for it. _

_ Staring with an unchanging expression, Kamakura'd watched from afar as the mechanisms finally stopped and allowed for a bit of slack on your leash. Gasping, you'd desperately tried to catch your breath and stop the high pitched cries that were escaping you. You’d come so close to dying so many times and yet none of them had caught you so off guard as this had. Slowly, the initial panic had begun to subside as your cries morphed into manic giggles. _

_ “T-to leave mme... weak a-a-and practically defenselesssss, where any M-mmonokuuuma or demon hu-hhunting child c-could find me…” you’d giggle between sob induced hiccups with a teary grin breaking across your face. “And set up s-such a sudden countermeasure for i-if I try to run away… ngh… th-those kiddosss really o-outdid themselves!” _

_ “…How boring,” Kamakura had sighed, continuing towards you and looking down at your trembling, broken form. “And predictable. This should’ve been the first place anyone looked when you disappeared.” _

_ “An addict w-will only last s-sssso long before they look f-for a fix~” you’d practically purred as your grin weakly widened despite your face being soaked with the tears that had refused to stop falling. _

_ Body shaking and heavy, you’d rolled to your side and tried to push yourself up so that you might've stood up. Though, you’d quickly found your arms way under the pains that shot through your still bruised and hardly healed hands as you made it to your knees. Pained cries escaped as you’d scrambled and grasped onto Kamakura’s pant leg in an attempt to stop falling. It was only as you’d realized what you’d done that a loud series of explosions and crashes had begun sounding in the distance. _

_ “S-sounds like somebody’s found a-a new toy…” you’d breathed, eyes transfixed on the blood that was surely staining Kamakura’s pants with each passing second you'd latched onto him for balance. _

_ Raising your gaze, you’d barely had a chance to see a flash of Kamakura’s red eyes before your shaky hold had been removed with a swift kick. Crumpling to the ground, you’d curled into a fetal position and emitted tiny, weak gasps of pain as he’d used his foot to lift your face and forced your gaze to meet his own. “You’re supposed to be keeping an eye on the academy.” _

_ Something between a giggle and strangled wheeze escaped you as you’d recalled the death and destruction that still remained outside of the building. It was hard to believe a place that had once held such happy memories could have changed so quickly and drastically. But maybe that was what made it hurt so much to see in the first place… perhaps those happy memories attached to the location were what had filled you with such a euphoric sense of despair. _

_ “I was…” you’d hummed out, tears somehow quickening their pace as you’d sunk further and further into delirium. “It was really something… you should stop by and take a look sometime!” _

_ Staring for a moment, Kamakura’d let out a sigh and let your head fall back to the ground. There’d been no point in trying to get through to you in this state and such a task had sounded truly boring. Things had still been going as planned for the most part anyway and looked to have been coming to a close. “Servant should be coming here any minute,” he’d said, bringing an excited gleam to your eyes. “He’ll unlock you from this and take you to the edge of the city. From there, you two are to part ways and cease contact until told otherwise.” _

_ “Cease contact…?” you’d whispered, your tears having seemed to run out as you’d tried to comprehend the order you’d just been given.  _

_ Even when Servant and you were assigned to different areas, Kamakura had never gone so far as to say that you couldn’t contact each other. And this was supposed to last until the order was lifted? There was no telling how long that’d be… why did your chest and throat suddenly feel so tight? And what was the pit that was forming in your stomach? It’d felt so familiar yet been so different from any despair you’d experienced before and you hadn’t liked it one bit. _

_ “And don’t bother heading back to Hope’s Peak,” Kamakura had droned on, ignoring your question entirely. “Instead, seek out information on the Future Foundation’s location.” _

_ “A-and when I find them?” you’d asked, your voice uncharacteristically small and fragile. _

_ “Turn yourself over to them so that a new killing game may begin.” _

_ A new killing game… you’d heard whispers and mentions of Kamakura’s plan but never been addressed directly about it. Even among the Remnants, you were fairly low ranking and were only given information as it was needed. The only way you’d found out about what was to occur in Towa city was because you’d managed to get Kazuichi to divulge the information pertaining to the UFO equipped Minimarus that he’d been building. It hadn’t taken much on your part; just a brief mention of having recently been in contact with Sonia and slipping him her most recent number. Sure, the princess would surely seek vengeance upon you for such a treacherous move, but you’d gotten what you wanted and she could easily change her number yet again. _

_ “A killing g-game… with members o-of the Future F-foundation? H-how del-!” _

_ “The surviving members of Hope’s Peak’s 77th class,” Kamakura’d cut you off. _

_ Breath catching in your throat, you’d pushed through your exhaustion and forced your aching to roll onto your back and adjust into a position that had allowed you to gaze questioningly up at Kamakura. What could possibly have been the end game of such a move? No widespread despair would be caused by the loss of the remnants and the participants would have no reason not to kill each other right off the bat. You’d all long since given into despair and killed plenty of times. Hell, the concept of trust had died with your sense of hope. There would be no fear… no tension. Why suggest such a pointlessly boring venture? _

_ “Makoto Naegi thinks there’s still hope yet for the remnants,” Kamakura had continued on as he'd stared into the distance, not paying any mind to your reactions. “He has access to a program that will wipe our memories of the last few years and create avatars from the remaining memories; your sense of consciousness in a virtual replica of the person you were when you first entered Hope’s Peak.” _

_ “S-so… we’ll forget e-everything?” _

_ “And everyone.” _

_ Staring up, you couldn’t help but feel your mind slowly trying to grasp at what Kamakura’s words meant. You’d be entering into a killing game with those who you’d come to trust hold so dearly before Junko had come into the picture? Going through the same type of scenario Junko had put her own class through… such a concept had been enough to feel you with giddy excitement. But still, it was a lot to take in. Especially when the weight of Kamakura’s final words washed over you. _

_ You’d be parting with Servant only to completely forget him and everything the two of you’d been through together? Not only that… you’d effectively be becoming a version of you before everything had happened? The you that had been such a people pleaser… someone who was so incredibly weak and terrified of letting anyone truly get to know you. Forgetting everything that had led to where you’d been laying in that moment. _

_ “You’re probably better off forgetting~” an airy voice had laughed from behind you. “Especially when it comes to such utter trash!” _

_ Managing another push through your exhaustion and pain, you’d rolled onto your side and looked towards the voice, already knowing fully well that you’d be met with the sight of Servant staring and waving at you with a carefree smile from the back entrance of Towa Tower. Just from a quick glance, it’d been easy to tell that this wasn’t the first time he’d talked about the topic; he’d known from before you’d ever set foot in the city. He’d set things into motion with the Warriors of Hope being fully aware that the next time you two saw each other, neither of you would remember the other. _

_ A weak, pitiful laugh escaped as you’d spiraled into a teary mess of manic giggling. It’d hurt so much to laugh, every tremble seeming to worsen your already unbearable pain. But you’d found it impossible to stop even as Servant had walked over, unlocked the chains from the collar around your neck, and lifted your broken and bleeding form into his arms. Too far gone to even comprehend the words being exchanged , you’d hungrily grasped at his coat with what little strength you had. _

_ Parting ways with Kamakura, Servant had paid no mind to your needy and delirious attempts at affection. It wasn’t until he’d neared the edge of town that he even bothered to look down at you. How far you’d fallen from the shining example of hope you’d once been. He’d have been lying if he’d said he wasn’t looking forward to being reunited with that version of you, even if he wouldn’t have recollection of having already known it in the first place. _

_ Kneeling, Servant had easily pried your hardly existent hold from himself and set you so you'd been leaning against a sturdy wall. It hadn’t even been difficult to ignore your giggly attempts to pull him closer as he’d slipped an over sized shirt over the your cuts and filthy, torn up costume that hardly covered you as it was. Had you been more lucid, you might have thought to question where he’d managed to find gym shorts or maybe you’d even have noticed the bloodied bandages wrapped around his legs. But it was hard enough trying to think about anything past the desperate need to get a hold of him one last time before he left you. _

_ Managing to get a hold of the chain dangling from Servant’s neck as he’d leaned in to untangle and remove the doggy-ear hair clips Kotoko had fashioned you with, you’d feebly yanked him forward and captured his lips with your own. Giggles quickly morphed into needy whimpers as he’d reluctantly pulled away and went back to wrestling the clips out of your matted hair. You couldn’t understand why he’d been being so difficult; he’d never hesitated to reciprocate these types of advances before. So, why now when you two would more than likely never get to do anything together again? Even for a remnant, this was beyond cruel. _

_ “There,” Servant had sighed, finally having managed to get both clips out and tossing them aside to be forgotten. “All that’s left now is…” _

_ Eyes traveling downward, Servant’s gaze rested on the collar that had been tightly secured around your neck. Had it been a normal collar, it would have been no problem for you to remove yourself. But, in all their concern for the well-being of their new pet, the Warriors of Hope had fashioned you with something not unlike the bracelets they’d put on the demons they were hunting. Reaching into his pocket, he’d pulled out a small device and pushed the button on it. Almost instantaneously, the collar opened and was free to be removed. _

_ “That’s better,” Servant had smiled as he’d removed the explosive and set it to the side. _

_ Noticing your consciousness beginning to waver, Servant had chuckled and finally gave into your now childlike tugging on his sleeve. Leaning in, he’d placed a hungry kiss on your lips before softly setting something in your hand and pulling away. Given the loud metallic crashes and shouting in the distance, it’d sounded as though things would soon be coming to a close and he’d needed to head back.The next thing you’d know, you were hazily waking up in a medical bay. It’d been so lucky that you’d come to just before Makoto Naegi had been about to leave, making so that he’d been able to confirm your identity and explain that he wasn’t going to turn you over to the rest of the Future Foundation. How wonderful that he was going to give you another chance at living with hope in your life. And how fortunate that he’d been kind enough to leave you with the only possession you’d had on your person when you’d been found; a ring with the Hope’s Peak crest emblazoned on it. _

Chest tightening at the memories, you stared at Nagito with anticipation and waited for him to make the next move. He was in control of how this would play out and you weren’t planning on taking that away from him. Not even fighting back as he was forced shrieks of pain out of you… refusing to break eye contact as he had to watch the light leave your eyes. You giggled at the thought of it all, practically dying to know just what he had in store for his precious _little_ _hope_.

Taking in the manic expression on your face, Nagito did his best to swallow the lump in his throat and knelt as he grabbed something from underneath your seat. Glinting in what little light there was, the metallic gleam of a knife immediately caught your eye. It could have been any old knife really, but something looked familiar about it. Maybe it was the iridescent glow it took on in the dimly lit room or the bits of greenish paint you could see on it when Nagito brought it further into the light. Either way, you knew that you'd definitely seen it before.

"The party," Nagito explained, easily seeing the gears turning on your head.

Eyes brightening, your grin widened. Of course! It was the knife Nagito had tapped under the table; the failed attempt at getting murdered himself that led to Byakuya's and Teruteru's demise. To end your life with the instrument that started it all… you couldn't possibly contain your excitement as a positively giddy whine left your lips.

"Hurry up and bury it deep within me!" you mewled, your voice becoming breathy and needy as you struggled to get as close as you could to the instrument in Nagito's hand. "I need you inside of me! P-please Nagito~"

Blush erupting across his face, Nagito stumbled back and stammered as he took in the lustful gleam in your gaze. Even with the obvious change of boundaries you’d already been exhibiting, he’d never expected to hear so blatant and forward from you. Were it under different circumstances, he absolutely would’ve begun messily fumbling to try and satisfy such bold requests from you. 

Suddenly becoming all too aware of the urges and feelings that were beginning to surface, Nagito found a wave of shame washing over and threatening to drown him. This wasn’t you saying these things… it was despair and he was being turned on by it. He really was more pathetic than he gave himself credit for.

Flashing a disgusted scowl at you, Nagito quickly set the knife in his pocket and grabbed a roll of duct tape from nearby. There was no need to tolerate you toying with him like this; he would let your despair continue to tarnish his image of you any further. 

“Don’t you want to hear me cry out your name?” you asked with a giggle as you eyes the roll of tape. Not even waiting for a response, you bit you bottom lip and looked up at him with wide eyes as you began moaning. “Ahh… Nagito… nn-ah! N-nagito! Ah-ah-AHHH! N-Naa-aaah-agito! Y-yes, NAGI-!”

Staring at you with absolute disgust and hate as he quickly ripped a piece of tape from the roll and covered your mouth with it. He couldn’t stand how much his body was reacting to your behavior, every instinct in him screaming to take you then and there.

“Mmmm…” you moaned through the tape, somehow looking even more excited than before. 

Anger bubbled in Nagito’s chest at the lewd sounds you made through your gag. His blood boiled at the needy way you squirmed towards him. He could take the way you were devouring him with your gaze alone. No… t-this wasn’t you! 

“Mmm-mmMM!”

You never would’ve said those types of things to trash like Nagito! You wouldn’t torture him with such beautiful sounds when he had no chance at ever being the cause of them! You were far too kind to hurt him so deeply like this!

“MMM-MMMMMMMM-MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!”

“SHUT UP!” Nagito shouted as he grabbed the knife from his pocket and swiftly brought it towards your chest.

Breath catching mid moan, time seemed to freeze as the knife plunged directly into your heart. The pain wasn’t the first thing to register with you though. No, that honor was reserved for the absolute horror that overtook Nagito’s expression as he realized what he’d done. Despite having known that he’d be killing you in this room… despite all of the mental preparation he’d done for the moment he took your life… it was a whole other thing to suddenly feel your heartbeat against the knife in his hand. It was far more terrifying and nausea inducing than he could have ever imagined. And the blood that was beginning to trickle down from underneath the hilt of the knife… it was so much more startlingly bright than he remembered blood ever being.

“Mmm…” you moaned, your voice small and wavering as tears began welling in your eyes.

Finally snapping out of his shock induced trance, Nagito reached up with his free, trembling hand and moved to wipe away your tears before hesitating. He knew that you were no longer the same person he’d fallen in love with. You were already overtaken by despair and he should absolutely hate you for that… so why did he want to comfort you through the fear that was suddenly flickering in your eyes?

“Mm… mm-mmm-m…”

Your voice was growing fainter as you tried to speak through the tape. Debating with himself, Nagito looked at you with contemplation. Letting you get your final words out wouldn’t cause any harm… but he was scared. Scared to hear your voice say any other despair induced words… terrified that your final words would be something that would be far more painful than anything else you’d said up to this point. But… letting you talk one last time was the least he could do when it was his fault you’d ended up in this position in the first place.

“No more of what you were doing before… okay?” Nagito muttered begrudgingly as he lightly touched the tape and traced over where your lips were.

Vision beginning to fade, you managed a small giggle and nodded. The pain of the tape being ripped from your face was nothing compared to that of the trembling knife; yet that seemed to be what caused your tears to finally start falling. Feeling a strange sense of comfort at the removal of the tape, you weakly smiled as blood dribbled out your mouth. Nagito felt his heart clench at a sudden sense of dejavu; your current smile eerily similar to the one that had flashed in his mind back when you’d been about to sacrifice yourself in the Fun House. 

“I-I” you gurgled, choking as more blood made its way up. “Ngh... ‘m sorry... ”

Your voice sounded far less giddy than before, now coming out in more of a desperate whimper than anything else. It was as though you were truly scared to die… but how was that even possible? This was the most despair inducing ending your could’ve wished for… you should’ve been enjoying this! So why did you suddenly feel such a strong weight of regret? What was happening to make you wish so desperately that things hadn’t ended up like this… that you could’ve gotten through to Nagito before he took it this far. Where had the sense of utter delight that you’d been feeling up until now gone? And why did you suddenly have to feel so utterly terrified and helpless!?

As all of these thoughts and more swirled around your mind, Nagito was asking his own myriad of questions as he found himself completely unable to break eye contact with you. How was it that you were suddenly looking at him with a soft light that was more beautiful than anything he’d ever seen before? Where would the light even be coming from when everything else was so clearly draining from your eyes? Why were you now staring at him with a sense of teary tenderness rather than boring into him with the lustful, manic gaze you’d had less than a minute ago? Was it possible to make the fear in your eyes disappear? How could even approach such a task when it was his fault you were feeling this way in the first place!?

“Puh… p-please...” you whimpered, wishing you could tell him to stop with whatever he had planned for himself. "H-h-huh-ope..."

As messed up as everything had turned out, you didn’t want Nagito to… you didn’t want any more of your friends to die. All you’d wanted from the beginning was to make it off this island and live safe, happy lives with everyone else. Had that really been so much to ask? Apparently so with how many lives had already been lost because of Junko and everything she’d put everyone through. It was terrible to think of things continuing down this road… to allow her to continue hurting all of you like this even in death.

If you could just convey to Nagito that everyone on this island, even him-  _ especially him _ \- needed to make it off this island and was worth fighting for. Even if it was too late for you, it wasn’t for him. He could still stop and not give Junko exactly what she wanted. He could still start to make up for the things you’d all done outside of the simulation… he could still be the Nagito you’d fallen in love with.

But the words wouldn’t come out like you wanted them to. As hard as you tried, you were reduced to choked squeaks and wet gurgles as you coughed up more blood. Smile crumpling as you involuntarily sobbed and drove the knife in further, a pained and terrified expression overtook your features. And seeing you in such a state… it was too much for Nagito. Witnessing you unable to do anything but slip further and further into a sobbing mess despite how hard you were trying to convey your final thoughts of hope… he couldn’t take it. He had to stop your suffering… he refused to prolong it any further.

“I-I...” he said, trying to form words that might offer any sense of comfort. “I love you, _my most precious hope_ …”

Squeezing his eyes shut, Nagito tightened his trembling hold on the knife and quickly twisted. The sound of tearing flesh and cracking ribs was nothing compared to the sudden and final gasp you let out. It was over almost as soon as it stared, your body going limp as the thumping around the knife's blade came to a chilling stop. All that remained was a quiet dripping as the blood from your wound continued to make its way to the floor.

**Drip. Drip. Drip.**

The sound echoed throughout the room and was the only thing that accompanied Nagito as he felt his legs give out. Landing on his knees with a hard thud, he released his hold on the hilt of the knife and let his arms limply fall to his sides. Eyes trained on the pink puddle beneath you, it took a few moments for him to register that a small puddle of tears was forming not far away from it. What took even longer to realize was that the were his tears.

Chuckling lightly, Nagito raised his gaze to your face and shakily rubbed the tears from his eyes as he took in your empty stare. How childish… he was crying despite all of this was his own doing. Sillier yet, there was no need to cry when this was all for the best. Your life had been given for the sake of hope… the same hope that he’d been lucky enough to witness returning to your eyes as you'd spoken of it in your last moments. You’d been fighting so hard to speak… to voice how important it was for him to continue on. Yes… he had to continue so he could wipe out the rest of Remnants. And he didn’t have time to waste.

Staring at your lifeless body, Nagito hesitated before standing up, lifting you up, and laying you on the floor. Grabbing three large hooks he’d snagged from Sea King Industries and attached to ropes, he began tossing them up and over the ceiling beams. Securing the two farthest from each other to the restraints around your wrists and ankles, he grabbed a final piece of rope, went work making a harness for your torso, and tucked the middle hook through it. Finally, he took the ends of the three makeshift pullies, hoisted you about fifteen feet off the ground, and tied them off to keep you there. 

Moving on, Nagito walked around the puddles of blood you’d left behind, and began the process of his own murder scene. It wasn’t too long before he was laying on the ground, bleeding and near death. But, even with the pain filled tears in his eyes and blood dripping down onto him from your corpse, it was somewhat comforting to see you hovering above him. You stared down at him with unblinking eyes... a bleeding heart angel, waiting for him to join you. If only the others had understood the beauty and hope of such a scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awkward dirty talk that probably sounds super stunted? From me?? An awkward ace who's never dirty talked in their life??? Never...

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has been playing around in my head ever since I started Hope's Struggle and I lack self control. So, here we are~


End file.
